"What'd you eat for supper?" my mom asked almost as soon as i came through the door.
I frantically searched my brain for something that would be believable. "Sheetz," was the only thing i could come up with. She knew i loved their french fries--loved, past tense because now the thought of all that fat just made me want to throw up-- so i was safe and wouldn't have to come up with the exact food i'd eaten.
She nodded vaguely. "Have a good time?"
I smiled. That was a question i could answer. "Yup." I'd spent the day with Matt and his friend Jacob. Basically, we'd just driven around, wasted gas, and killed time, but nothing was ever boring as long as Jacob was involved, and i'd managed to avoid all forms of Calories, except for an 8 oz. sugarfree Red Bull (10 Calories) while i was with them, which finished off my day at a beautiful 265 Calorie intake.
But that brought another thought to my mind. "Oh crap," i muttered to myself. "I forgot to ask Matt if he was hungry at dinner time." I hadn't even thought of it; he'd had me so distracted, and i hadn't been hungry so the thought that he might have been hadn't even crossed my mind.
"Oh, relax," Ana tried to soothe me. "Surely he would have said something if he was hungry."
"No he wouldn't have," i argued. "He already thinks i spend too much money on him."
"Well it's not like he doesn't have food at his house," she countered. "Besides, if he'd wanted to eat, you would have had to eat."
"Would have been worth it just to make sure he didn't need anything." I said it too low for her to hear. "I'm such an awful girlfriend... I didn't even want to make out today because i felt so fat and gross."
"Shut up and stop being insecure," Ana told me harshly. "He's not going to leave you because you didn't buy him dinner or because you didn't want to do anything."
I knew that, and yet somehow i was paranoid that he would. I loved him far too much; every time i loved someone that much, i simply had to lose them. It was just the way my shit life worked. "He could," i whispered. "And he could get someone skinnier and prettier and more secure."
"Stop it," Ana said. "You're prettier than all the other girls out there."
I blushed. Ana didn't compliment. What was up with that?
"And you're on your way to being skinner than all of them too. Just keep following me." She kissed my cheek.
I hugged her close. "Matt won't leave me, right?" i asked, needing still more reassurance.
"Right," she answered, hugging me back only more tightly. "And neither will i."
I smiled slightly. "Good," i whispered. "Very good."