I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my hips and thighs. They were completely awful for the skinny jeans i was wearing, but then again, they'd be awful in anything else i could wear too. No use changing into something different. "Eww," was all i said, poking them.
Ana laughed. "Still not good enough, are you?"
I shook my head. "Never will be, but check this out." I pulled my shoulders back so i was standing up perfectly straight. "You can see my ribs a little bit."
She nodded and put a thin hand on the bones that were beginning to show through my pale skin. "Yes, yes i can. How beautiful. Perhaps there is hope for you." She shuffled through my closet a bit and then tossed me a black t-shirt. "Here, try this. It should look alright."
I smiled and pulled the shirt over my beautiful ribs. I spun around in a circle in front of Ana. "How do i look?"
Her eyes ran over me skeptically. "You'll do," she finally consented.
They weren't exactly the words i wanted to hear, but they were better than a downright insult. I slipped back out of my skinnies and grabbed the pair of scissors by my bed. "Just in case..." i murmured as i cut out the size tag. In case of what, i didn't have any idea, but it did make me feel better to get rid of the tag that could betray me by letting on that i was more than the size 00 that i wanted to be.
Ana chattered to me as i straightened my hair and went through the process of putting on my make-up, telling me over and over that under no circumstances was i to eat today. It was a fast day. No cheating.
"Yes, yes, of course," i said and ran out to my car.
On my way to Matt's house, i sang with the radio. "Confidence," i told myself. "He'll like that." But then my heart leapt into my throat. "What if he thinks i'm too skinny?!" I'd never had such a thought before, and it made no sense at all, seeing as i was so certain i was fat, but i knew i'd been losing weight since starting the ABC. "Stop it," i told myself. "You're being ridiculous. Yesterday he said you were beautiful. He'll think the same today." I pushed aside my fears and pulled into his driveway.
To my relief, his first words were not "you're so fat," nor were they "goodness, you're way too skinny. Instead, a smile rested on his glorious face. "You look so beautiful," he said to me.
I smiled, and i'm sure i blushed. "Nonsense," i muttered.
"Total and complete nonsense," Ana agreed.
"No, really you do," Matt insisted. "You're beautiful."
I smiled again. I didn't believe him, and Ana wouldn't ever let me, but still it was so very nice to hear...