Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Blood, Guts, Gore, and Food?

"What kind of sick bitch are you?" Ana shouted at me.
I looked up in alarm, guiltily setting down the jar of peanut butter i had been polishing off with a spoon . How long had she been watching me? I swallowed my mouthful and opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't think of a single thing to say.
"Seriously, Jo, who can binge while watching a blood and guts horror movie that makes people sick to their stomach. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I meant for it to make me sick so i wouldn't binge," i said honestly. "But it didn't. It's disgusting, and i shouldn't be able to eat anything while i'm watching it, but... oh i'm so sorry Ana."
She just shook her head. "You have some serious issues, you know that? Don't you want to see your ribs?!"
"I do. I really do."
"It doesn't much seem like it."
I looked into her eyes for a split second, but had to look away. I had failed her. "I even wore my bikini to try to motivate myself not to eat," i murmured. "I don't know why nothing helped."
"Maybe because you're not fucking trying hard enough!" She was back to shouting. "Oh i hope you get so sick from that food."
I met her shout with a whisper. "I do too, but you know Mia and i don't work together."
"I know," she replied. "It's a pity. You've got the binge part down perfectly. You'd make a perfect bulimic if only you could PURGE!"
My stomach did feel awful. I said a silent prayer that i would naturally purge. "I'll be back on track tomorrow, Ana. I promise."
"You'd better be. I'm getting sick of you," she spat and left in a swirl of too-baggy clothing.
I threw the peanut butter jar across the room and wept.


  1. hey
    you're a really good writer! your posts are really interesting to read.
    just thought i'd say hi!

  2. i dont purge either! yay for no purging. something i really wish i could though

  3. ahhh, peanut butter. i swear, it is the tastiest thing on this planet. but you ate a whole jar? that itself is an amazing feat. im sure you will hit your motivation again girl, just try to clear your head, you obviously have something on your mind that may be bothering you thats preventing you from having energy to achieve your goal. =) stay strong dearie.

  4. hey, sweety! just found your blog today and got to say: it´s amazing. and so you are! just looove the way your writing- i almost read through the complete thing just today :D And i´ve just started the ABC myself... hope i´ll do good ._.

    so please, please keep it up, stay strong, greetings to ana and lots of love from germany ( and a big SORRY for my awful english *blush*)

  5. Aww I'm sorry sweetie =(

    Funny story, that happened to me during high school. I would go and seriously binge after my biology labs where we dissected frogs, warms and shit on all that greasy fatty cafeteria food (mini pizzas, curly fries, sugar cookies). Blood and gore just makes us hungry I guess.. or we may or may not be seriously fucked up in the head =))

  6. Peanut butter is the death of me. >.<