Saturday, August 1, 2009

Again i Begin the ABC

"Look, Ana, i'm really sorry about last night."
"Ha," she scoffed. "You really ought to be."
"I was just so upset and depressed, and i don't know why, but it made me binge really badly."
She laughed bitterly. "Oh, i know why," she said, her voice dripping with sarcastic venom. "Because obviously, being upset gives you every right to binge."
I shook my head. "No, it's not like that--"
"Damn straight it's not!" she cut me off. "Do you want to know what it is like? Do you want to know the truth of this whole mess you call your life?"
I was pretty sure i didn't, but i nodded anyway. "Yes."
"The truth is this," she paused dramatically, then resumed. "You're not skinny enough; you are too fat. You're not good enough, and you keep failing. Timmy doesn't love you." (This drew a muffled sob from me.) "But i do! You should follow me, not give your heart to some stupid boy who will hurt you emotionally, thus making you binge and get fat which hurts you physically."
"He's not stupid," i snapped. "I'm the one who hurt me. He never even asked for my heart."
Ana rolled her eyes. "Whatever. The point is this: you need to follow me. Put me first, boys be damned."
"I will," i promised. "I will. I'm going to get through the ABC this time. I really am."
"Good. You'd better," was all she said.
That night as i lay down in bed, reveling in the feeling of my stomach growling, i felt Ana lying next to me. She was always there for me; i wasn't going to fail her again. "I love you, Ana," i said. "And i'm going to prove it."

1 comment:

  1. I can especially relate to this one because I have recently had guy issues and have decided to completely give myself over to ana to give me something to concentrate on. Also, she's just so much more real....
    I'm sorry you binged and are hurt : (((( You are so sweet, you deserve to be happy. I don't think there's an ounce of cruelty in you. You are really just one of those amazing kind people, and I want you to be happy and succeed so bad! Because you do deserve it! I know you can do this ; )
    Stay strong <3