Saturday, February 5, 2011

I don't know now...

I'm afraid to listen to Ana right now. I'm not sure yet (too poor to buy a test) but i think i might be pregnant. It crossed my mind a little while ago because my breasts were rather sensitive, but i ignored it. They get that way sometimes before my period anyway, so i figured that was all it was. Nothing to worry about. But then Jacob and i were getting a shower together and his hand rested on my breast for a minute and he smiled at me and said, "i think you might be pregnant."
"What? Why?!" i asked him, surprised.
He shrugged. "Well you said your boobs were sensitive and i think they're a little bit bigger than they used to be."
I nodded. I had wondered if they were bigger. My bras didn't seem to be fitting me right anymore, but i ignored it because i knew we didn't have enough money to buy me a whole new wardrobe of lingurie. "But i'm bigger everywhere than i used to be," i told him.
"You didn't get your period in January," was his reply. "And we've not been preventing it in any shape form or sense."
"I don't know. Is it a good thing if i am? I mean, we're poor and we don't have our own house."
He nodded. "It's a very good thing."
I don't know about all that. I'm not sure if i'm ready for a baby just yet. Not that i won't be happy and love it, and not that he won't be a wonderful father... It's just i don't know if i'm quite ready for all of that. I'm scared. But i'm a little bit excited too. I hope that i'm not, but i also hope that i am. I don't know what i feel about it, but i do know that i really can't be listening to Ana if i am, but i don't know that i am yet. I don't know when i'm going to be able to find out either. What am i to do? Help me!