Saturday, February 5, 2011

I don't know now...

I'm afraid to listen to Ana right now. I'm not sure yet (too poor to buy a test) but i think i might be pregnant. It crossed my mind a little while ago because my breasts were rather sensitive, but i ignored it. They get that way sometimes before my period anyway, so i figured that was all it was. Nothing to worry about. But then Jacob and i were getting a shower together and his hand rested on my breast for a minute and he smiled at me and said, "i think you might be pregnant."
"What? Why?!" i asked him, surprised.
He shrugged. "Well you said your boobs were sensitive and i think they're a little bit bigger than they used to be."
I nodded. I had wondered if they were bigger. My bras didn't seem to be fitting me right anymore, but i ignored it because i knew we didn't have enough money to buy me a whole new wardrobe of lingurie. "But i'm bigger everywhere than i used to be," i told him.
"You didn't get your period in January," was his reply. "And we've not been preventing it in any shape form or sense."
"I don't know. Is it a good thing if i am? I mean, we're poor and we don't have our own house."
He nodded. "It's a very good thing."
I don't know about all that. I'm not sure if i'm ready for a baby just yet. Not that i won't be happy and love it, and not that he won't be a wonderful father... It's just i don't know if i'm quite ready for all of that. I'm scared. But i'm a little bit excited too. I hope that i'm not, but i also hope that i am. I don't know what i feel about it, but i do know that i really can't be listening to Ana if i am, but i don't know that i am yet. I don't know when i'm going to be able to find out either. What am i to do? Help me!


  1. I had a pregnancy scare twice before. Scariest times of my life. Congratulations if you are, and I say start treating your body right, right now. Just in case.
    Whenever Ana starts up, just remind yourself that it's for the benefit of a baby.
    And even if you aren't pregnant, then it's better safe than sorry.

  2. Oh dear. If you are, I hope Ana doesn't pull you towards her, for the baby's sake.

  3. First thing would be to find out if you really are pregnant. Can you go to Family Planning and explain your situation? They could help you get a super cheap test kit.

    Once you've found out decide, both by yourself and with your partner, what you want to do and what is best to do for ALL of you. You, him and the baby.

    You're right, though. You sure as shit can't carry a healthy baby to term while eating and exercising in a disordered way. Eating disorders and babies don't mix AT ALL.

    Do you have a sensible older person you can to to and talk the situation over with? They'll have perspective and some ideas that may not have occurred to you guys.

    Best of luck to you in the coming weeks <3

  4. Please please please go see some professional right away, a doctor or the free clinic if you can't afford a doctor--store bought pregnancy tests can't be trusted. If they say you aren't pregnant and you go ahead eating very little and exercising vigorously, but it turns out you ARE pregnant, that could be very very bad.

    Until you talk to a medical professional, I would say eat as healthily (truly healthy, normally, lots of protien, etc.) as you can and do light exercise. Walking is good for your health and won't hurt the baby, if he/she exists; I don't know if it would hurt to this early on, but I'd say don't lift weights just in case--I don't think you're pumping iron on a daily basis anyway, right? :)

    If you are pregnant, I think that's a wonderful gift, so congratulations and good luck! If you aren't pregnant, then... well you can still drink alcohol! But with the calories in that, maybe not. :) Good luck, it'll work out for the beat either way, I'm sure.

  5. I hope you can find out soon so you will have you answers & be able to move forward. Good luck!

  6. Have you tried going to the Emergency Room and saying you twisted your ankle (you may have to act that a bit)? They can't give you an X ray if you're pregnant... Maybe THEY have the test you can't afford???? ;) When my friend was living in Spain she did that and they gave her the pregnancy test AND the X ray... hehe Just throwing and idea... :P

  7. You'll be okay.
    Buy prenatal vitamins.. They're good for you even if you're not pregnant. But if you are. They are necessary... Just focus on finding out if you are. And focus on learning about a healthy balanced diet. Do that and some yoga on your own time. You'll calm down and its good to make you lean without overworking you. You'll be okay =]

  8. Congrats! If it's true!

    My mom always said, "If you wait until you have "enough money" to have a baby, it will never happen. Once you have a baby, things will work out"

    Be good to yourself... take care of you for the baby, and for you!


  9. I agree with Peridot (G&P). I'm not sure where you live, but there should be a Planned Parenthood or even the county health department may have free services. In addition to the pregnancy test, they can help you with birth control. I know that I didn't pay out of pocket for birth control the entire time I was in college.

    Also, even if you *think* that you might be pregnant, please, please start taking folic acid immediately if you're not already taking a vitamin. I know it's an additional expense, I understand what it's like to have nothing in the bank, but it's the most important vitamin you can give to an unborn/growing baby.

    Good luck and keep us posted!

  10. hun do all you can to get a test... because the sooner you know you can either figure out how to compensate for having another mouth to feed or you'll have less stress and that can actually cause you to miss a period.
    I know I ended up pregnant a few months ago and lost it. but you have to make sure you take care of both of you if you are preggers.
    Good luck!

  11. Oh Jo, I can't wait to hear from you!
    Did you find out?
    I hope you and your hubby will get well through this (however it turns out).
    Love you so much

  12. I hope you're pregnant! I know you've been wanting that. eat "healthy" while your pregnant. don't let yourself just binge. its proven that the foods that you eat when your pregnant will be the baby's favorite foods for the rest of their life! so eat like plenty of veggies and try to stay away from fat. it you don't eat enough fat for you and the baby, the baby will take all the fat you are eating, and you'll have to metabolize your own.

  13. Hello girls I have returned to blogger after trying to lose weight the healthy way and developing a better mental health I gave up I threw it all away to become "Delicate!!" Threw all my hard work away so I could eat from one extreme to another, to get to my goals quicker!! As many of us do we give up and think it will be easier and quicker to try a stupid diet which you only end up binging and back to square one!!

    I am ashamed of my choices and want to continue down my path of being healthy!! I can not believe I nearly threw it all away!! I have decided to give it my all 100% and nothing less!! I will reach my GOALS but in a HEALTHY way!!

    I too want to look great in a Bikini, in that Little Party Dress, in those CK Jeans but I want to ROCK them without feeling GUILTY, without LYING to all those around me and to not be KILLING MYSELF in the process!! I want to look HOT in ULTIMATE HEALTH and HAPPINESS, I want to have AWESOME SELF ESTEEM and I want to ROCK CONFIDENCE!! I want to earn the JOY of achieving HEALTH - HAPPINESS - SELF ESTEEM and CONFIDENCE the right way not the wrong way!! I want this more than anything in LIFE and I am going to get it !! It is now or never, there is no looking back!! Please support me and I will return the favor!! I choose to follow girls with distorted eating as I feel they understand what I am going through compared to "normal eating" girls they just think I am crazy!!

    I am putting this every where because I know I will influence at least one person out in this great big world to never give up and to keep trying!!

  14. Jo, it's been a while, how are you sweetie?
    I hope you're doing good, let us know something please!