Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ana's Still Here

"Jo? Do you still love me?" a soft voice whispered in my ear.
I spun quickly around to see who it belonged to. It sounded quite familiar.... There she stood behind me, in all her bony beauty. A ragged, worn expression covering her face. "Oh, my Ana," i whispered back in her direction. "Of course. I can never lose my love for you, darling."
She shook her head. "But you no longer listen to a word i say about food. Sometimes you listen when i say your stomach or thighs are too large... or that your arms are bigger than they should be, but you never listen when i say not to eat. You just listen to the hunger your body gives you."
I nodded. It was the truth. "I know... I'm sorry. I just... i don't feel the need to starve anymore. I'm happy as i am."
"Remember when you were at Jacob's house and i pushed you onto the scale every day?" she asked.
I nodded. I'd always stepped on the scale when she prodded me to, but it never really mattered much to me what the number had said.
"And do you remember when it said 99.9 lbs?"
I smiled a bit and nodded again. "That was lovely news... even though i didn't think it was the truth."
She hugged me. "I miss you, sweetie. I miss you being hungry and following every word i said."
"I know...." i said. "I'm sorry, love... i just don't miss being that way. You'll stay with me though won't you? You won't ever leave totally, will you?"
She nodded and wiped a tear from her prominent cheekbone. "I'll always be partially with you whether you obey or not. I still love you."
"And i love you," i replied.
She kissed me. "I'm happy that you're happy, sweetie. Tell Jacob that i even love him too." Then she released me from her tiny arms and walked out of the room for the rest of the night.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Wedding Rings

This post is gonna be a bit short. My brains pretty messed up. Jacob and i had a car accident in which i got a concussion and a skull fracture. Crazy right? I'm stuck living with my parents for a month because of it, but after that i'm gonna live with my Jacob. Here's a picture of our wedding ring tattoos. His initials on my finger and mine on his :)

I love you all. Hope you can find the happiness i managed to find!