I looked in the mirror today and thought, "Oh, wow, i'm not as fat as Ana says i am." Then i thought about not listening to anything she says at all.
But then her skin and bone reflection appeared next to mine in the mirror, and i realized that i was wrong. "No," she whispered in my ear. "You can't leave me that easy. Look at yourself again." She pinched at my thigh, "Chubby there." Then she poked at my stomach, "Pudge there." She kissed my cheek. "Could be a bit bonier there..."
I sighed and conceded, "You're right."
"You've been trying to approach taking me back in a much too healthy manner," she told me. "Wanting to start out with just making sure you cut back to 1000 calories a day, then slowly edging it back down without even a single workout planned. Come on, Jo, that's not like you. You need to jump back into this quickly. Fuck that healthier approach. Fuck your thinking 'oh its fruit, it doesn't count'. Jacob has gotten far too into your head with this whole health thing. Food is not healthy; it makes you fat."
I couldn't help but agree. I really was trying to ease myself back into Ana's lifestyle far too slowly. That was never how i'd done it before. Why should i start now?
"Honestly, sweetie, you're scaring me with this new 'healthier' side of you," Ana told me.
I nodded. "I'm scaring myself with it too." It seemed so sick to be healthy. "I promise i'll stop right now. Tomorrow i'll start the 2468 plan and find some way to work out."
She smiled. "That's my girl."
P.S. To all of you who follow me, yes every single one of you, i love you very very much. And to those of you who leave me comments, thank you very very much for your words and encouragement and support. They mean the world to me.