Saturday, January 15, 2011


"Your clothes weren't stolen, dimwit," Ana said harshly. "I gave them to Keia. They'll fit her much better than they'll ever fit your fat, lazy body."
Tears welled up in my eyes, but i just stared at her in shock, saying nothing.
"The skinny jeans will fit their name on her. You turn them into chubby jeans when you put them on," she scoffed. "And lingurie will look much much less fightening on her. You're too fat for all that pretty, frilly shit."
I bit my lip.
"And the bracelet that Jacob gave you for christmas: i gave it to someone with a thinner, prettier wrist."
That was when i snapped. "You fucking bitch!" i screamed. "He loves me just the way i am! And you can't just take things from me like that!"
Her eyebrows raised. "Oh no? I thought you wanted me to take something from you: something called fat. That's what i'm trying to do, darling."
She had a point, but i didn't give a flying fuck. "Get out of my head!" I shrieked. "Get out! Go! Leave me alone!"
"You don't want that," she countered.
I shook my head. Once again, she had a damn good point. "Fuck off," i snapped and clutched a razor. "I'll replace the bracelet myself. "And i began to do just that with blood and cuts taking the place of the gold and silver. Then i burst into hysterical tears.
Ana tried to hold me but i shoved her away and continued my sobbing into the pillow. "I hate you," i told her. "I hate you and i hate the life you've given me."

**When i get back on track, i'm going to get some of the lyrics from the song 'Focus Shall Not Fail' tattooed on me. I just havent decided where yet. Any ideas?**


  1. I know how you feel honey, or partially anyways. It would be so much easier to just NOT want to be thin, wouldn't it? To be just like everyone else, when life is hard but at least isn't counter-productive and doomed to self-destruction. What scares me about this post is that you seem so lonely love... Don't hesitate to write if you need to talk!

    I love you bigger than the sky too!

  2. ohmygosh. take care of yourself jo. T_T

    and i know this is kinda fiction...but what really happened to your stuff? i'm confused....T_T


    ^ i was too lazy to log out of my actual google account....xD

  3. Aria, my stuff was stolen from me. A lot of it... Or did ana give it away? Fuck if i know.

  4. your dimensions are almost the same like my.. age 21 height 5'4" weight 120 fucked up......... when i see some skinny beauties i start to cry. im sad every day because of that.

  5. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know how it is. Sometimes ana drives you nuts and you can't do anything about it. And she doesn't want to let you go.

    I hope you are feeling better and that you will find your stuff.
    Take care and stay strong.