Sunday, August 9, 2009

Pain and Comfort

I woke up around midnight in Ana's strong arms. She held me close as tearless sobs wracked my body, and walked to the bathroom with me, holding my hand as my body rejected the binge that i'd taken in a few hours ago. "You can't handle food anymore, love," she told me. "I've got too strong of a hold on you."
But the emotional pain was too great, and the next day, she did not force me to stick to the ABC plan. She let me run wild, but i didn't eat too much, staying under 1500 Calories for the day and running around outdoors with my young cousin. "An energetic young boy," Ana said. "He'll be good for you to be around more. Help you burn off Calories."
"Back off and let me hurt without thinking about food, Ana," i murmured.
But she didn't. She'd promised never to leave my side, and she was keeping that promise. As much as i claimed to want her gone, it was comforting that she wouldn't leave.

13 comments:

  1. Holy shit lady, look at your abs!
    Im glad you can see the difference, cuz i definitely can!
    Xxx

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  2. Wow!! You look amazing!!! Me super proud!!!! Keep it up girl

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  3. :' ( I feel like I wish I could be there for you more. That's good that you didn't go too crazy today eating and were able to burn cals running around with your cousin : )
    Feel better and stay strong my abc fairy friend! <333

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  4. No one ever really, truly wants her to go away. Even anas who've been in recovery for ages and ages still crave her.

    However, if you really want out, if it really is nothing but pain, all you have to do is ask for help.

    And your abs do look wonderful.

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  5. CUTEEEEEE!!! =)
    i can DEFINITELY tell a difference in your midsection girl! <3 wow definition! that was good that you did alright today! even without ana, you still did okay. perhaps you just arent ready for the full blunt of her? and if you need help, im always here.. if you dont wanna go to a psych/hospital.. i mean i know im disordered too but i will help the best i can! =(

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  6. i can tell you're face is thinning out, and your tummy is looking flat. keep it up girl!

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  7. You make ana sound so lovely, like the way she holds you tight... i hope it's not too tight... you know that there's alot of support here for you if you ever need it... much love

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  8. ana sounds so loving the way she holds you tight... maybe too tight? remember that we're here if you need to get free from her...

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  9. I can notice a major difference in your pictures! : )

    But I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. : (
    I don't think Ana ever really leaves anyone.

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  10. she'll never go, she'll never leave you.
    she loves you too much to let you go free knowing you're too weak and you'll probably get fat.she'll always be there for you.

    welldone for the amazing control you have, you're doing so well on the abc.
    your blogs motivate me so much!
    keep up the good work girl! xxx

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  11. Woah! You are looking amazing! I love your blog so much. Well done for staying under 1500. I swear once you start eating its so hard to stop.
    Keep safe xx

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  12. I do notice a change in your pictures!
    You definently look smaller.

    & the geeky glasses are cool. ;)

    Yasmine. xx

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  13. Your waist looks a lot smaller :) and I think you're looking more toned too. Great difference for such a short time. Well done :) I never saw the benefit of having little cousins until I realised the cals you could burn running after them haha

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