Thursday, August 20, 2009

I Am Not My Own Anymore

"Ana, i have an apology to make to you."
She looked at me expectantly, a little smile tugging up the corners of her lips. "Yes?"
"I've been lazy and useless. I haven't even been living up to half of my potential. In trying to control everything about my life, i've freaked myself out and lost control of my eating habits. I've binged far too many times this week, but i want to do better because i know i can. I want to show you all of my determination and all of my bones. I'm done listening to the stupid little voice in my head that tells me i should be more healthy about food; that your way is unhealthy and i should quit. I'll listen only to you now." I took a deep breath, feeling better for getting the long-planned speech out. "I'm giving you my everything from now on."
A joyful tear formed in the corner of her eye. "I've waited so long to hear that, sweetie." Her arms were around me in a flash. "I waited and waited and never left, trying to be patient, just to hear those beautiful words. And now you're finally COMPLETELY mine." She sighed happily. "Oh it'll be splendid, darling. You'll be so thin and weak and beautiful. I'll make you the very best you can be."
I smiled, wrapping my arms around her waist as tightly as hers were clamped around mine. "Thank you," was all i could think to say. "I love her!" my mind yelled in its bliss. "I love her so much."
She kissed my cheek. "I love you," she murmured in a sing-songy voice.
"Oh, Ana, i love you too!"


  1. I find hope and beautiness from your text. It's emotional.

    I have also binged on this week many times. You gived me inspiration to stop it. Thanks. :)

  2. Stay strong! & don't lose hope because you CAN be as thin & as beautiful as you want to be =) Binges are hard, try to figure out why you want to binge... boredom etc. I found that really helped me this week!

  3. You'll be so thin and weak and beautiful. I'll make you the very best you can be."

    Love it.

  4. Looks like someone found some serious motivation and determination. Or maybe you have finally given in? Idk. Either way, I hope you do stay healthy =D You will get there sugarmuffin. Stay strong and think positive.

  5. You can be thin and beautiful without her... you are thin and beautiful. i want you to be happy, and if this makes you happy i support you, but it makes my heart break.

  6. Stay strong hun.
    Make ana proud :D

  7. So...question. How long do you plan on keeping this up? Will it really matter to you when you're an old lady? Will there be a point when you ever accept yourself for who you are?