Monday, August 17, 2009

The Dress on the Wall

Ana held the tape measure that encircled my waist. "Well, i don't know how you did it, but you still managed to lose a bit." She moved yo my thigh. "But not there."
I glanced down at the number with a grimace. "At least it's not a gain."
"Sure, sure," Ana said, without sounding very convinced that it was a good thing. She scribbled down the last measurement number on the chart she'd drawn. "Let's just hope that when we measure you again in a week you'll have lost a lot more." She was in a such a sour mood.
"I will," i said with a frown.
I reached for my sugar-free Red Bull, hoping the caffeine high would boost both my metabolism and my mood. My mother had told me earlier that i was crabby, but i wasn't trying to be. It was her fault; she'd walked in on me and Ana while she was taking my measurements, caught me red-handed in my disordered behaviors. I hoped she hadn't noticed how spazzy i'd been about trying to hide the brightly colored measuring tape; i hoped she hadn't noticed the tape at all... But what if she had? Would she monitor my eating? I couldn't afford that, not now that i was so determined to go through with the ABC without a single failure.
"What will i do if she finds out what we're doing, Ana?" i asked the waif rummaging through the clothes in my closet.
"Be strong and find a way around all of it," she answered without even looking at me. "Stop being such a baby about it." She pulled out the beautiful dress i was too afraid to wear because of my fat arms. "Do you want to be confident in this or what?"
The glorious, goth-style dress took away my breath, and all i could do for a moment was nod. "Oh yes," i whispered. "I want to be able to wear it for Matt one of these days."
"I think he'd love it on you... if you weren't so fat," Ana said in all her brutal honesty.
"I think i'd love it on me if i wasn't so fat," i said dejectedly.
Ana pounded a nail into my wall. "Yes. I think i would too." She hung the dress and its hanger from the nail. "There," she said proudly. "Now you'll see it all the time, and you won't be able to forget your goal."
"You're brilliant," i told her, wrapping my arms around her tiny body.
She laughed and returned my embrace. "I know. And you'll be brilliantly beautiful if you'll keep listening to me this time around."
"Oh, i will, Ana," i vowed. "I really will."


  1. Clothes look better on bones. - Karl Lagerfeld

    Clothes looks better on a hanger, so you have to look like a hanger. - Beverly Johnson

  2. I used to have a pair of pants for that...

  3. My mom once caught me doing crunches in my underwear at midnight.... She never said anything ....

  4. My mother has caught me at stuff like that a million times. I'm so bad at hiding it and all.
    The other week she walked in on me when I was in the middle of hiding my food.. bad times.
    You should post a picture of your dress. Hanging it on the wall should be a great motivation though xx

  5. I want to see the dress! ; ) I'm sure you'll be looking fabulous in it in no time darling <3
    Good job on the loss on your waist too! :D
    Stay strong <3

  6. im going through the same things you are. im looking at ur two posted pictures here and damn girl u look good! im so jealous. and to be dead honest i have those exact underwear and i seriously no word of a lie am wearing them right now. i got them from warehouse one lol

  7. Haha my mum always catches me pinching at my fat or exercising in the middle of the night, she now knows just not to question it lol.

    You will fit into that dress, you will look amazing, i know you can do it :)

  8. That is a really good idea! =) Keeping your goal in sight, smaller sizes. You better post pics of the dress, and pics of it on you before and after. =D That would be amazing thinspiration right there. Keep up the good work babydoll <3 Youll be wearing that dress in no time.

  9. I agree with everyone who wants to see your dress! :D :D :D

  10. Please post a pic of the dress! You are looking fabulous. I once had a scale at home and I think my mom discovered I would weigh myself everyday because one day it was hidden and I had to look for it use it, then put it back. Then when I left for school and came back home for vacation we no longer had a scale in the house lol. We've never talked about it but for me to say mom has no clue about my weight would just be stupid. She has a small idea its just not serious enough for major concern.

    Enough of my rambling, keep up the amazing work

  11. hey omgosh i love your blog!!
    its so beautiful and poetic. and you're so strong..keep going with it!

  12. Thinspo clothes are the best :) photos are looking good. I can definitely see a difference. Your legs look way toned and thinner, even tho it hasn't shown on the measurements. It clearly won't be long :) so jealous of your waist too!

  13. That is a good idea. I'm going to hang my skinny jeans in my room so I can see it all the time an focus on reaching my goal!
    I wonder how your dress looks like...
    Stay strong.

  14. i've done that too with a pair of jeans. its a really motivating thing to do as it keeps you inline.
    goodluck hun, i beilive that you will fit into that dress, you're strong!
    you HAVE to promise to take a pic of you in it and post it for us to see, i know you will look amazing.

    i know this is out of topic & weird, but since i saw a pic of you, i thought you looked like someone, but could'nt put a face to it...
    i think you look like taylor swift..A LOT!

    anyways stay strong babe!