Sunday, August 30, 2009

Failure? Not Exactly.

"Why don't you just go die, you fat cow?" Ana asked menacingly.
I groaned. "I feel like i ought to." I felt like i was going to be sick, quite involuntarily, after eating less than 300 Calories.
"You're a failure," she told me.
"Oh come on, Ana, don't be so hard on me. I was practically force-fed that little bit of a lunch."
"Well you wouldn't have been if you'd come up with a lie last night instead of telling your mom that you hadn't eaten dinner."
She was probably right, but i hadn't had the energy to figure out what i'd supposedly eaten for dinner right there on the spot. My mom had frowned when i'd told her i hadn't eaten anything, possibly because she knew for a fact that i hadn't had lunch either and suspected that i hadn't had breakfast.
"When's the last time you ate?" she'd asked me.
"I don't know," i lied. I knew full well the exact hour i'd eaten last and exactly what i'd eaten, but i wasn't going to tell her that.
Then she'd figured out that i hadn't eaten breakfast again, even though i'd gone through all the trouble of fabricating dirty dishes. Therefore, lunch was an absolute must. I'd sat at the table and carefully pieced together a sandwich, (It had to be just so.) and then miserably picked it apart, peeling the crust off the bread, eating that, and then eating the remainder of the sandwich layer by layer. Mom had looked at me again with disapproval, but seemed satisfied that i was at least eating something.
"I'm sorry, Ana," i apologized for something that had been beyond my control. "You do realize that my fast lasted for 43 hours though, don't you?"
She laughed. "Yes, i suppose that is intense progress for someone as prone to failure as yourself." She gave the compliment with a razor edge tacked onto it, but it was still a compliment, and it made me smile. "And you're paying for your sins now."
I nodded and put a hand on my poor stomach. It was so full! But secretly was really quite pleased with the fact that so little food had made me belly-burstingly full. "I'm not going to be eating anything else for the rest of the day," i promised.
"Very good," Ana said, slipping her arm around me. "You didn't hear this from me, she whispered in my ear, "but i really am quite proud of you."


  1. Oh I'm sorry to hear you were forced to eat. Poor thing! I hope you feel better.


  2. Awh, good job!

    I always have such a hard time eating something because I have to, and then not eating again for the rest of the day! You're doing great. : )

  3. Hey nice job! 43 hours is a HUGE deal!
    & there's nothing u can do abt the 'force-feeding'... :(

    take care

  4. 43 That's awesome.

    Ana's blessing is, as they say, a double-edged sword.