Wednesday, August 5, 2009

300 Calorie Day

"Oh no you don't!" Ana jumped in front of me and blocked the doorway.
I sighed. "Just a little bit, please, Ana. I'm actually hungry this time, not just bored."
"Liar," she said with a bit of a teasing smile. "Now sit back down and continue reading your book."
I sat down, but didn't pick up the book. "I actually am hungry," i murmured, sounding much like a pouty two-year old who had been denied a cookie.
Ana gave me a skeptical look. "Hunger," she scoffed, "is all in your head."
"But i haven't even had the full 300 Calories for the day," i continued my argument. "I've still got 30 left."
"And what on earth are you going to eat for only 30 Calories?" Ana asked me. "There's nothing in the entire house with only 30 Calories. No way, uh uh. You are not going out to that kitchen."
"Why not?" i whined, almost making myself ashamed, but not quite.
"Because you know you'll just binge on something if you do." Ana stopped speaking to laugh at my frowny face. "Oh stop it," she said. "You know it's for your own good."
I looked down at the floor. She was right. "Fine," i said, still whining. I picked up my book--Wasted by Marya Hornbacher, the ana-bible--and started to read again.
Ana came and curled up next to me, putting her comforting arms around me. "Good," she whispered in my ear. "Very good."


  1. I do that too! I'll have like 40 cals left and will try and trick ana into letting me have then but always go over! Good for you for stopping it! I'm sure ana is proud ; )
    You know, everyone talks about Wasted and I have yet to read it....could you tell me your thoughts on it?
    Stay strong and wonderful job today <3

  2. Awh... this post seemed kind of sad, but kind of happy? I'm not sure how to respond! Well good job on staying under 300 calories anyway. : )

    I want to read Wasted, but I don't know how to acquire a book so obviously about anorexia without arousing suspicion. Haha. Plus, I read part of the preview on Amazon and I just completely did not like the tone of what I read. hmm, I don't know.

    Good luck tomorrow. : )

  3. I want to read Wasted so much, it seems like such an amazing book!!! You are amazing for resisting going overboard on the cals, congratulations! :D

    You are probably Ana's pride and joy right now. :)

  4. Good going! You are doing great, keep it up. I will look into that book as well. Like always, your blogs have a ton of emotion behind every word.

  5. bahhh i do that too. "oh i have 50 calories left" and then i eat a whole meal or something lol. good thing you didnt go out in that kitchen!! im sure you will feel good about it tomorrow girlie. 300 calories. thats awesome :)

    i havent read that book.. but i read her other book "madness: a bipolar life".. it was like reading a book about myself. she is such a good writer.

  6. "Hunger is all in your head." But I'M all in my head too!!
    Really tho, I need to remind myself of this quote tomorrow.

    Good job on staying within your cals!


  7. "He said it's all your head and I said so's everything but he didn't get it"

    Ah - I love that line.

    Good job on resisting those last 30 cals!

  8. Hey...I just wanted to let you know that I've been reading your blog, for like a week, not to be creepy or anything, although it does sound creepy...
    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I like your writing. And...
    That's it, I guess.

  9. She's good to you!
    Good girl for listening.

  10. heya, i've got that book.
    its amazing, she really lets you see all her thoughts, and you start to realise that it can be easy if you make it easy. its all about controling yourself.
    & well done for controling, i was in the same situation yesterday but instead of sitting down obidiently i took a bit of everything then thew the rest away.
    goodluck on your abc. i think we're doing pretty good! ;)

  11. I must say, I love how you write about your experiences in story format. I find it very interesting! =)

  12. Wow that's such a good idea with putting money aside each day :) you'll have such a nice treat by the end! :D

    Thanks for the lovely long comment :)) Especially "Totally rub it in his face when you're extra sexy and he can't have you." lmao, I loved that. Thank you for supporting my eating yesterday too. I would feel guilty about it if so many people hadn't agreed that it was probably a good idea for my body.

    Your post is really powerful as usual. I'm aiming for 300 cals today too, so I'm going to read your post again any time I'm tempted. Thank you dear. Well done on 45 followers too! You've come such a long way :)

  13. You are a beautiful writer.

  14. "I've still got 30 left."

    That phrase sounds familiar to me too. (:

  15. omg i'm happy for you too.we're doing really good, ofcous i would say that, but none of us have quit, and none of us will
    you have absolute control, the fact that you didn't go to the kitchen proves how much you want this.
    we can do it
    keep strong hunni
    from your abc buddy!! xxxxxx