Monday, August 10, 2009

Have I Had Enough Yet? Hell no!

I knew it was all over the second i saw the infamous "golden arches" of the McDonald's sign. I'd been able to stay on track all day up to this point, but now... now it was over. I was starving, and there was nothing to keep me at my 300 Calories for the day. Even the salads would bump me over my limit if i ate the entire thing, and i knew there would be no stopping once i started eating. I stared nervously at the menu, my eyes desperately searching for the best option. Fruit parfait? Caesar salad? Fruit and walnut salad?
"Can i take your orders?" the girl behind the counter asked. I let my parents go first, ordering their greasy fat food. "And for you, miss?"
I looked up at her. "Umm, i'll take the caesar salad, with light itallian dressing and a bottled water." Crap. That was 100 Calories too much.
"Skip the chicken on the top and you'll still be fine," Ana whispered in my ear. But it was too late. My plan was already screwed; now i'd just start messing up.
A cute, red-headed boy smiled at me as i carried my tray over to the booth where my parents sat. I looked away and blushed. I was ashamed to be here, carrying the food that would make me fat. I was at a fat-food place; therefore i was fat; therefore i wasn't good enough to flirt. He was beautiful, but i was not. I slunk guiltily into the seat across from my parents and polished off the entire salad--chicken and all--with Ana screaming in my mind to stop. I didn't listen. A little bit over wasn't so very bad, was it?
But it was. When i got home, i walked through the kitchen... or attempted to, anyway.
"You've eaten too much already," my mind told me. "You might as well make a real ordeal of it and eat everything in the house."
"No, dumbass," Ana countered. "You don't need anything else."
Being the brilliant person i was, i listened to my mind. Ice cream, peanut butter, candy bar, pop-tarts, chips... I barely tasted any of it as it flew into my mouth. When i finally stopped, my stomach aching and bloated, Ana was there, looming over me.
"You're pathetic," she told me.
My mind raced, reaching for excuses. "I'm on my period," i said. "I worked out and walked around a lot today...." Then the real reason came out. "I just went through a break up."
"Oh and eating a ton of food will totally patch things up with the stupid boy."
I looked at the floor. "Emotional eating," i admitted.
"Um yeah. Just a little bit,"' Ana said sarcasticly.
"I'm sorry."
She rolled her eyes. "Here we go again. You're sorry. You'll do better. Whatever. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and bounce right back into the game. Don't even bother with the promises you won't keep."
I bit my tongue. She was right. I wouldn't keep promises i'd make, but i still made them to myself. I had to have something to go off of. "I'll do better," i swore silently. "I really will."


  1. Awe some evil boy left you!? How could he! I'll kill him for you ; ) Nice and slowly and very painfully if you like : D
    Fast food is evil. And eating that kind of food just makes your body go crazy and want more : / Honestly though, if I broke up with my bf, I'd probably be bingeing like mad too. Please don't beat yourself up too much honey : ( I'm here for you, we all are, and we love you and want you to do well! Because we know you can! Let's fast together tomorrow! : D
    Stay strong my little fairy <333

  2. Ug i can't believe how even salad is loaded with cals at fast food places. sending you many hugs

  3. Aww I'm sorry. You are looking great so you are doing something right. I too had a fat food stop today and ended up getting icecream and horrible chicken nuggets. I wish I would have gotten a salad lol. I'm sure you will make up for it tomorrow, goodluck!

  4. Yeah, whenever I screw up a little bit I always try to make sure I screw up a lot more.
    Intensifiying Failure Masochisticly

  5. Darling, once again, pick yourself up and dust off the crumbs, you know you can do better then that. I know you can do better then that.
    Emotional eating is a bitch.
    And its definitely no way to get over a boy - resolve to be the thinnest you possibly can be, if only to make him realise what he's missing out on.
    You'll be ok love, dont worry, try again :)

  6. God i hate fast food. It tricks you into thinking its healthy.
    And about the binge, i do that all the time, i never go a tiny bit over i always totally screw it up and eat a weeks worth of calories.

    So are you still doing ABC? x

  7. aw hunni, i'm sorry to hear about that.
    as ana said, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and bounce back into the game.
    you're strong and you can do it!
    i beilive in you
    much love -x-

  8. awww babydoll,
    boys are evil, vile creatures and they break your heart and still try to tell you its okay. you dont need him. you are number one in your life, and you do what you need to do to feel good about yourself. no boy can ever make you feel as good as you can =) so put that pop tart down! lets get back to work *whistles* =D