Sunday, December 13, 2009

Ups and Downs--Downs Mostly

I'm so goddamned stressed about everything. There's so much shit i have to get done and get bought before christmas. I hate christmas. I hate christmas parties full calories and old people. That's where i have to go today; no choice. No cell phone service there either, so i can't entertain myself that way. Oh and the main course? Only about 3 different types of pasta. Yeah. That won't make you fat or anything. Fuck it; i'm not eating. I don't care what anyone says. I can't eat it. They can't send me to a clinic either because i'm 18, so there! I'm tired of trying to please everyone else; trying to make everyone else like me. From now on, i'm being a bitch--except to you all of course because i love you! I'm going to do what i want because i want it, not because someone else wants me to.
Oh and last night, i got a fucking speeding ticket because i was trying to be home to my over-possessive parents on time. Now i have to pay 109 dollar fine. I don't have 109 dollars... I don't even have fucking 50 dollars. God fucking dammit!
My parents and i can't seem to get along anymore; everything used to be fine, but now... I don't even know what happened. It's just we're always fighting. Maybe its because we're all stressed about the damn holidays. I don't know, but i hate it. All we do is yell.
...Sorry about the rant and the horrid language, everyone... I'm just so pissed/depressed/stressed. Ugh!
On the positive side, all i had all day yesterday was one little apple and a couple sips of Shaun's cappucino, so i am pleased about that.... There was something else good that i wanted to tell you, but i forget. Dammit...
I hate how that works. I can always see the negative side of everything, but not the positive...

Oh, also, check out Jillian Rose! Her blog, Picture Perfect, is amazing. This girl sees beauty in everything, and has made me a whole lot happier than i was before i read it. Read, follow, love her!


  1. That sucks you got a ticket!! Doesn't the government get enough of our money?? Feel better, hun!


  2. hey,
    just wanted to say that i love your blog!
    you're writing style is so unique and you always seem to portray what i feel like when i'm binging/restricting.
    good job on only having an apple! (: