Friday, December 18, 2009


So here's the deal: I talked to Shaun about the whole issue last night for over an hour. He wants me to gradually work up to 1,000 Calories a day. I don't know if i can do long i've been working at the opposite end of that equation. But he also talked to Jacob, who is one of my very best friends, and i talked to Jacob. Jacob can see both sides of the equation, and he's going to help us both understand the other (because he is an awesome person like that). Right now, i've promised Shaun that i will try to get better. Jacob is going to explain to him that i'm not as sick as he thinks. I've promised Jacob that i'll eat at least 600 Calories a day (sorry, that's so much. UGH!), and he'll explain to Shaun that eating that amount will not hurt me. I'm not leaving Ana, i'm just not letting her control me as severely. Fortunately, they're not monitoring how much i work out, so i can do that as much as my heart desires. I also promised Jacob that i'd stop smoking (you know, before i get addicted). I think it's all going to be ok... I'm just so scared. 600 seems like a lot to be my minimum. Oh dear, Ana, don't be angry with me...
Of course i'll keep blogging and let you know how everything is going. I love you all entirely too much to let go. Ugh. I'm so scared of this.... Please leave me your comments and let me know what you think of the arrangement.


  1. You're doing the right thing. 600 isnt' much at all, it's still far too little.

  2. That's what it means to be Pro-Ana: it's about finding a balance. You don't want to lose yourself.

    Maybe find some books for Shaun, if he's having trouble understanding what it's like. To people who eat normally, it seems like such a simple thing to "just eat more" and "not be scared". Maybe even try Wintergirls if he doesn't like non-fiction.

    It's so great that you have real-life support. And we all support you too! Keep us informed - I love how you write.

  3. It doesn't sound like a bad arrangement at all.
    600 is still low enough for loss (once your metabolism adjusts anyway) and yet enough that you won't binge, so this could be a good step weightloss wise and all!
    Good luck xxxx

  4. Do what makes you happy. He cares a lot about you. Let him know that you want support, but make sure you are choosing to try to be better for yourself. If its not for yourself its not worth it.

    love you

  5. 1,000 is still not a HUGE amount... if you can be consistent at 1,000, it would be way better than binging and starving anyways, even purging does not get rid of everything and I'm always worried that my average is way higher than I think. So sticking solidly to 1,000 and exercising sounds like a really good plan if you can stick it.

    best of luck!

  6. i already commented, but 600 is good, because it is a test of your control. you CAN have that bagel...but only a quarter of it. it takes control and willpower to eat, but eat very little.

  7. 600 really is a fine number. Don't do things you're uncomfortable with just because some boy asks you to, though. Make sure it's something YOU really want to do. Personally I think it's great that you have such a good support system who won't ask too much of you. : ) If you just eat 600 cals and even up to 1,000 some days you'll really be fine.

  8. You'll be fine and we'll always be here for you. :)
    Exercise is the best thing you can do and you definitely need enough calories for energy to work as hard as you want. Ya know?
    I think 600 is a good balance. You made a good decision. :)

  9. sounds like a great arrangement. he sure seems like a good guy to give you time to work up to an amount instead of being like" eat this right now". you will do great.

    stay strong


  10. You go girl! I'm glad that you are sane enough to be able to eat some decent amount. You are a beautiful girl, and even though you may not see it, you're not fat at all. You're gorgeous.