Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Fruit Calories are Still Calories

My hands trembled as i stared at the steaming bowl of oatmeal. Yesterday had been so fantastic; Shaun had relented and given me a "cheat day" on which i could eat (or not eat, rather) whatever i wanted. I'd counted fruit calories (which Jacob had insisted weren't really calories), because god dammit, they are CALORIES, and done just fine on three pieces of fruit and two bowls of cereal, but today... Today i had to try again.
"He never told you that you have to try again today," Ana said, finding the loophole as always.
"It was understood," i replied. "It didn't need to be said."
She shook her head violently. "Oh no it wasn't. Remember, you asked if you could have cheat days--days, plural!--and he said yes. You said that yesterday would be one of them. Nothing was said about today."
I smiled slightly. Maybe she was right... But then i sighed and shook my head. I couldn't be that deceitful with him; it wouldn't be right. "What about a compromise?" i asked.
She raised her eyebrows. "What's that?" she asked.
"I count fruit calories again today, but still go up to 600 at least. Then you both can be happy, yes?" Ah, i loved it when the house was well-stocked with fruit, but my heart sunk when i thought that it still wouldn't make either of them happy. Ana would object to that many calories, and Shaun would object to that little "actual food," since apparently, fruit wasn't food.
Ana rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said, surprising me with her lack of fight, "But you're working out an hour today again."
"Of course," was my reply.


  1. Okay... Fruit is SO food. People ate fruit in the beginning of time, before they could hunt! That was the "gather" part of hunter-gatherers. Ttch.

    Fruit cals always count. No offense to them or you, but Shaun and Jacob both seem a tad pushy with the eating thing, especially since you are not looking (to me, anyway) like you are ready to "heal" or whatever they want. And it really seems like you're only doing what THEY want, instead of yourself. Let yourself decide--not trying to be pushy, just saying what I think.

    If you want some weightloss still, eat tons of oranges. My older brother isn't anorexic but he calorie counts and muscle-builds, etc, and he's also going to be a dietician so he told me that if you eat oranges before or after working out, it helps your metabolism along and you lose more weight! :)

    Whatever You choose, I'll support. Hope you find what you want!

  2. Fruit is so calories! It's just no fat!
    I think your compromise sounds reasonable, 600 is an ok amount. It sucks that he's watching you all the time though, even though it is only because he cares... good luck xxx

  3. I think that is great that "Shaun" wants you to be healthy and all. But think about it girl, besides being a little weak at times, when have you not been HEALTHY because of your eating habbits. I don't ever recall you posting a story from your death bed? Taking away "Ana" is taking away your perfect thin body and I don't think thats fair of "Shaun" to try to control. You're so lucky to have a wonderful guy that loves you and your body no matter what it looks like :) but being thin is a personal goal of yours. It's your body and your rules. And if he really cares about you he'll let it be because your perfectly fine. But I'm not saying make "Ana" your life. "She" doesn't control you, just encourages you to want to be pretty and thin (which you are well on your way too I might add). If you give up this lifestyle now, what have you been working up to for all this time. I don't think its fair for you to be confused and super stressed out trying to compromise between "Shaun" and "Ana" and trying to keep everyone happy. At what point did you consider your own feelings hun? At the end of the day all that matters is your own happiness. You can't please everyone babygirl and its not your job too. You can only be yourself and people can either love you or hate you... even "Shaun." But from what it sounds like he'll love you no matter what you decide to do. I know you love him but don't change yourself or go out of your way to please him (remember Matt doll). I know Shaun would never take advantage of your willingness to make him happy but dont give him any opportunity. And giving up one of the most important things to you isnt fair of him to ask.

    Wow this is longgg.. but your just so supportive of me and I feel like you really care how I'm doing so I just wanted to tell you how I felt because I want you to be happy and i especially dont wanna hear about you getting hurt again :( ... okay :) ! Stay Strongg!!

  4. Fruit is negative cals......

    isn't it??? o.O