Thursday, December 17, 2009


I don't know what to do. Shaun wants me to try to get better. I know he loves me...and i love him... I don't know... I've cried and cried. I'm so confused. It all comes down to this: who do i love more, Shaun or Ana? And i can't choose. Let me die. I can't choose. I can't choose! I want my knife... Shaun has it... I can't cut... I want my knife. I want to make Shaun happy. I want to make myself happy too... i don't know. Oh let me die...


  1. maybe you and shaun could reach a compromise on the calorie amount. if you jump right into eating 2000 cals a day you will gain some weight . maybe if you could stay at 1200 and keep him happy. that way your still "healthy" but not over eating.
    hang in there. live without regrets.


  2. Oh I'm so sorry, I've been terrible keeping up with you! I am sorry. This is a horrid, horrid position.

    I have no advice for you love, just support <3

  3. Hun, it's gonna be alright <3
    You don't have to choose between Shaun and Ana. You can have both. I wouldn't give up on Ana, though. Maybe that's why I'm still here. It's a part of me and I can't let it go. Sure, there will be a certain moment when I will have to let go and ask for help. But I'm not there yet. And I'm not ready to be "normal".
    He loves you, no? He promised he won't try to stop you (when you first told him), if I remember right. He can't take her away from you, then. He'll understand... :)

    Take care ♥

  4. I feel so bad for you.
    But I think you should try to get better, and then you will see that was the right thing to do.

  5. shuan will love you for who you are, ana or not. keep restricting, but try under 600 every day. Works perfectly for me-200 for each "meal" or the day. I do it all the time and no one notices! If shuan will leave you because you still want to be ana, then he wasnt worth it in the first place. but he'll stay with you, trust me <3