Monday, December 21, 2009


I stared blankly at the scrambled eggs jumping in the frying pan. "Put cinnamon in them," Ana suggested. "Cinnamon boosts the metabolism."
I nodded and obeyed. It might taste alright, but if not, who really cared? When they had sufficiently browned, I put them into a bowl and grabbed a fork. Then i went to the table and continued blankly staring at the steaming mess that i was supposed to put in my mouth. "You could always throw them out," Ana whispered in my ear.
I shook my head. "Shaun wouldn't like that very much."
"Jo, you've been listening to Shaun for three days now. Just tell him that you messed up today, and listen to me. JUST ONE DAY! Please," she begged.
"Oh, Ana," i murmured. Her words sounded so good. "But what will Shaun say?"
"I've got a prior claim! I've been with you so much longer."
"What about Jacob?"
"I've been with you longer than he has too," Ana stated.
"But you're one person, telling me to do something that a lot of people are telling me not to do."
"Then don't tell anyone."
I raised my eyebrows. "I can't lie to everyone."
"Don't lie... unless you're asked. Even then you can say that you made food without saying you ate it. Don't initiate conversation about food. Come on, Jo, you know the tricks. You know how to hide all this; you've done it before a million times."
I shuddered. I wanted to listen to her so badly... I wanted to do exactly what she said. I wanted to fast and fast. (Apparently nothing is as good for curbing the appetite as being allowed to eat.) I picked up my bowl of now-cold eggs and... took a bite.
Ana shrieked. "What the fuck?!"
It broke my heart, but i took another bite. "I'll work it off, Ana, i promise. I'll do another hour of working out, i swear, but i have to do this. I have to do this for Shaun, and Jacob, and Pastor Pete, and my mom."
A tear rolled down her cheek and splattered all over the shiny surface of the table; my own tear soon joined it.


  1. Hey sweetie. I know it's a struggle but I think you'll be okay. Big hugs. Incidentally, what DOES scrambled-egg-with-cinnamon taste like...?

    I wanted to respond to your comment on my blog about the bracelet... Although I'm not a big Coldplay fan, I have to say I really like Yellow =] I really LOVED the way you made it your own and made it mean something more so I think I might snag that idea. Like you said, making it so meaningful will probably help with the motivation to finish it =]

    Thanks for the tip =] I hope you're alright sweetie xxx

  2. why is it so hard...why do we feel the need to please everyone, including ourselves, when its so freakin hard??
    and i also want to know about eggs&cinnamon...personally i like egg whites and ketchup haha.
    but you are amazing and in control and everything will turn out fine, and the world will be full of sunshine and rainbows.
    i have no idea what i'm saying - too little sleep + too much food + coffee = crazy chick on blogger
    love you!

  3. Feel better, I love your triumphant posts!

    Just in case the cinnamon eggs didn't taste good, cayenne pepper in egg whites always does the trick for me :)


  4. This was an ABSOLUTELY beautiful POST!

    follow me if u want

  5. eggs and cinnamon is actually pretty awesome. kinda christmassy tasting (don't ask me why..) its good though. ya'll should try it.

  6. heyy, I know I haven't commented you in way too long.. and I don't have any excuses and I'm so sorry ):
    I'm so so sorry about how your being pulled in different directions, I don't know whose side to be on, Ana, or Shaun, I want you to get better and be happy and amazing, but I know how amazing the dream of thin is, so I don't know. I just want you to be happy. I feel like my parents saying that, but damn it I do. I love you (:


    by the way, if you want to read my blog I need your email address, and actually, does it let you read my blog? cause I need to know if it actually blocks people out(like parents)