"I don't know what happened, Ana. I'm so sorry." I'd binged. ABC day 4, 400 Calories, had turned into binge day 1, 990 Calories. "I was doing so good, wasn't even hungry, and then i just fell."
She sighed. "I noticed."
"I had a perfect 400 day planned out, even a little bit under, and then i tried to test myself with making cookies, and it all went down hill..."
She patted my shoulder. "At least you only ate two this time. usually you eat anywhere from 5 to 8." She was trying to be kind, knowing how upset i was about the whole thing, but disappointment still lingered in her voice. "Just start over tomorrow."
I shook my head. "No, i've done 500, 500, 300 so many times i just want to throw up. I'll restart day 4, but i will not restart the entire ABC again. I can't do it," and i began to cry. "My stomach fucking kills. I wasn't even hungry when i binged." I hadn't been hungry in what seemed like forever. Maybe that was my problem; the hunger was my fuel. It was what got me through the day, what spurred me to push on, and i'd lost it somehow. What would i do now?