Thursday, December 17, 2009


"Don't you dare!" Ana shrieked.
"No,i can't," i cried.
Shaun had just told me he wanted me to start eating healthily. "You'll be fine; just eat 2,000 Calories a day, 3 meals--" he started.
"Woah, woah, woah! I can't eat 2,000! You're insane. My metabolism is dead; i do that, and i'm going to gain weight like you wouldn't believe."
"Don't try to take her away from me, you bastard," Ana hissed. "You can't take her away. You try that, and i'll have her push you away."
Shaun sighed and let go of my hand. Then he began to expound on the numerous health issues that i knew full well came with Ana.
I tried to listen to him patiently, but the list kept going. "As if i don't know all of that already," i finally interrupted. "Shaun, you don't understand how none of that matters to me."
"You need to eat more," he stated simply.
"Shut the fuck up!" Ana screamed.
"I fucking can't!" I shouted.
"You can so, you're just scared!" he yelled back.
Ana pinched me. "You damn well better be scared of being fat."
I started to cry. "No, i'm not. I've tried to eat normally, and it doesn't work. There is no normal for me, only binging or restricting." I tried to breathe deeply to calm myself. I didn't want him to see me cry... But it didn't work. I was full out sobbing.
We sat in silence, aside from my sobs and the music playing softly through the speakers of my car until finally he reached for my hand again. Ana snarled like a watchful dog when our hands touched, but i accepted him. She put her hand protectively on my shoulder and stayed between us.
"I'm sorry," he finally said. "I didn't mean to be an ass about it."
I shook my head and tried to stop the tears. "You weren't really."
"I just don't want you killing yourself," he murmured.
"She won't kill me," was my reply.
"No, i'll only take care of her," Ana chimed in, kissing my cheek.


  1. The worst part about this is what it does to the people we care about, and how horrible it is not to be able to make them happy.
    Shaun sounds like a good guy and I hope he'll continue to be accepting of you, so you can be happy xxx

  2. A good friend of mine is just like that. He tries to fix all the things in my life for me by just going to the opposite extreme. I just wanna say "Thanks that you care but FUCK OFF"
    I don't know if that's just me...

    Stay strong hunnybun xoxo

  3. I can totally relate to this. For me it is also either binging or restricting; there is no normal. There is no in between, it always has to be extreme. Normal is boring, normal feels like failure. Normal is no control and imperfection. Your stories are very interesting, thank you for taking the time to write them. :)