Friday, January 22, 2010

Rant and Lack of Contol

I have fucking binge eating disorder.... Ana used to be stronger, but now i don't even know. What is wrong with me? That's so embarrassing to even think that i have BED, let alone say it, let alone type it and post it for all to see, but i deserve it. I'm a pathetic, fat, control-less binge eating machine and i hate it. How can i stop. Someone make me stop! I just want to die...


  1. I know how you feel...
    Recently I have been really over-eating too. I always eat on my own, I CAN'T eat in public, I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking I'm a fat pig. They probably are. I almost want to go back to eating normally and not caring about what I ate, even though I'm incredibly fat. But I can't. I either don't eat or I over-eat... It's all I think about, and I really don't see the point of living if this is all my life's ever going to be.

    I know you'll probably not believe me, but I have seen the pictures you have posted, and you are not fat. You're beautiful, and I wish I could look like you rather than the wobbly mess that I am. I just hope everything stays in control and things get better for you.

  2. Aw it's okay.
    Sometimes that happens to me too, even though I KNOW I will regret it after that.

    Whenever I have an urge for food, I usually call a friend or walk/run outside, so I can't eat.

    Or I go paint my nails.

    Maybe that'll help you.

    If all else fails, just go.. face the kitchen, and throw everything in the trash can. Then pour bleach/cleaner onto it.

  3. Aww *huggles* I agree with amy. If you can, go and throw out all the non healthy food.

    It takes 45 days to break a habit so do all you can to break this one?

    All my luck hun.


  4. hang in there hun, i know it gets hard sometimes. we all stumble on the path to being skinny. what matters now is that you are strong enough to pick yourself up and not let one binge ruin everything your working towards. from now on carry perfume with you and before you take a bite of binge food, spray it down that way if you do take a bite it will be so horribly disguising that you wont be able to think about it without throwing up. you are strong and beautiful. you can push past this.
    stay strong

  5. Oh no! not you as well! I FUCK UP tonight myself! Getting sick of this shit. But I going to re-start ABC when I wake up, which will be in a few hours, if I ever get into bed.

    Girl, send me an email, you will my address on my contact page.


  6. :( I don't want you to die.

    Its hard to break the cycle if you let it go to far. I know you have strength. But you are the only one who can find it and use it. Its up to you but we are here for you


  7. This probably sounds rude, but it's a good thing you've come to realize that. You have to know what's wrong with you first in order to defeat it.

    Don't rely too much on Ana. It's obviously not working for you. She didn't do anything for me either... I think it's easier to be strong if you depend solely on yourself, because it's harder to let yourself down.

  8. I'm so sorry that you feel this way (the wanting to die part) and I can honestly say that I feel the same right about now (though the thought of my daughter living in this world without me keeps me from ending it all)... I've been eating uncontrollably for the past three days. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I can't figure out why I can't stop shoving food in my mouth. Even as I'm doing it, staring down at my widening abdomen, watching it grow bigger with every handful of whatever it is I'm eating, I can't stop. It won't go away, the emptiness inside, until I'm so full I feel like I'm going to puke... Of course, that would be wonderful, purging would. But I've promised my boyfriend and myself, for my daughter's sake, that I won't let Mia take over. I won't let her have my life.

    I just want Ana back. I want her back so badly. I have to find her again.

    If you need any one-on-one support or someone who's feeling the same things, just let me know. Maybe we can help each other figure this shit out.

    Be well, love.

  9. As long as you always vomit after a binge don't kick ourself too mch. just know that you can do better

  10. ahh BED i have that too. Bitchy little disiese(sp?) It's hard to get that one under control. But you have to kinda ignore the fact that you have it. I know that sounds wierd. Try eating foods with more fiber, it fills you up. Give your self a normal amount for a normal person and don't let your self eat anymore. I stay in my room with the door shut. Out of sight, out of mind. Good luck xx <3

  11. Oh, i read about something like this. You body could override your mind and FORCE you to eat. You proably so starved and malnurised that it's in that mode. Take a multi-vitiamin, caluim...etc. Try eating normal healthy meals to get your body under control, then it will stop force feeding you. xx <3

  12. This might seem like a random question, but I have been reading your blog, and you mentioned taking diet pills... I was just wondering which ones you take, and where you got them. I can't seem to find any even though I really need them! I tried researching this on the internet but it just came up with a load of impossible rubbish...
    Please help!

  13. Hi! I'm really sorry things are going wrong...
    I've just started a blog, and I'm going to try ABC, starting tomorrow.
    Maybe we could restart it together, and try to support each other as motivation to keep in control?
    I hope that we both achieve what we want.
    (Please have a look at my blog, A Beautiful Wish)

  14. Ash, in response to your comment, i took slimquick natural diet pills, but i REALLY do NOT recommend them or any other diet pills. They really do mess with your heart. I had to stop taking them because i'd just be lying in bed and my heart would be racing like i'd just run a marathon. Be careful, sweetie.

  15. I know exactly how you feel hun,
    I have been feeling the same way for a while now actually,
    finding control is probably the hardest part/thing you have to do.

    Good luck hun, and don't ever give up
    stay strong <3