Thursday, January 21, 2010

binge

I made it through two days of ABC and then failed miserably on the third. I went to the mall with Jacob, who insisted we share a pepperoni pretzel (really tasty, but 480 cals for the whole thing). I think i had roughly half of it before i found out how many calories were in it, but when i got home and found out the Calorie count, i had a minor panic attack. "How is it even legal to sell something that high in Calories that doesn't even fill you up?" i wondered out loud. "There should be a law against it; i'm not kidding."
Ana didn't respond, so i turned around to see if she was behind me like i thought she was. I'd thought wrong: she was nowhere to be found.
I knew i'd already had the limit of my Calories, but my stomach rumbled. Hunger was really upon me; this wasn't C taunting me; i was hungry. Surely it'd be ok to eat something, just enough to make my stomach stop growling. So i carefully put together a delicious, satisfying 250 cal sandwich. I ate it and was full.
But the day was ruined and so was the ABC, so i reached for the peanut butter, and the yogart, and the ice cream... And anything else i could get my greedy, thoughtless hands on.
That night, i lay in bed, tossing and turning in fits of self hatred and disgusting, overstuffed fullness. Sleep was not going to come.
"One of these binges," Ana said from her place next to me, "your stomach's going to split open from being too stuffed and all the nasty food's going to spill out, all through your insides. And you know what?" She paused for the dramatic effect. "I'm going to laugh my ass off."

Edit: in the words of Fall Out Boy, "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realize two out of three ain't bad." Stay strong, loves, but try your best to be happy no matter what happens.

12 comments:

  1. omgggg
    she's laughing at me tooooo :(

    why do we do this? why cant it just be simple to fast all the time?

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  2. honey
    i am so sorry that C wisited you.
    she is just a bitch wen you are on you guest to skinny.
    tomorrow will be better and skinnyer. we just have to believe that.

    stay strong
    xoxo

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  3. I punish myself after a binge!
    exercise and more water...

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  4. aww I'm sorry ):
    it's okay though, you'll get back on your feet and start doing great again (:
    also, thank you for the silo answers, that really explains a lot! theres an old silo near my house and I always wondered about it.. haha
    don't give up.

    xo

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  5. Ugh Gross.


    WHy do they even make those crappy pretzel things?

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  6. I agree with you on that law.
    Many times I will eat something smaller than my palm with the same amount of calories 5x a pizza slice...

    Who the hell invented pretzals!?

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  7. omg i cant even go to the mall anymore because i always end up getting a cinnamon sugar pretzel AND a salted one with honey mustard (and yes i eat them both in one sitting even though they are each as big as my face lol)
    stay strong, dont let one day kick you off track
    meg

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  8. Aww wow, maybe it will help your metabolism? Stay strong xx

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  9. Don't beat yourself up! You are going to get back on your feet and you going to just start again. Because you are not alone and you are not the only one who falls.

    We will both do this and not matter how many times we may fall, we will start again and one day we will both look back and say, look how many time we messed up! But look we did do the 50 days :)

    Love and kisses to you... xxx

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  10. Hang in there kiddo.
    xoxo
    kate

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  11. :( i did the same thing i just had some kfc and i feel so bad right now i don't l don't know what to do.. you can reach me on myspace: snowflake8100@msn.com..i wanna beat myself up so bad ugh!! and yuh can reach me on mii google account ljohnsontip1991@gmail.com

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  12. Soo, sorry, im new to this, and i know who ana is, but who's C?

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