Friday, January 8, 2010

Back to Ana

"You're pathetic," Ana and i both said in one voice.
I stared at the fat hanging from my frame. "Why do i do this to myself when i know i'm just going to hate myself for it?"
"Fucking Shaun," Ana hissed.
"No, don't ever say that," i corrected her. "It's not him; it's me. I don't have to listen to him; i don't have to eat as much as i do; he doesn't even ask me to eat as much as i do."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You were doing fine until he put the ideas of eating in your head. You were starting to see ribs, and now what do you see?" I opened my mouth to answer, but she cut me off, "That's right: FAT."
I sighed. "I know."
"Come on, Jo. What happened to you? You can't even fast for 24 hours. You're off painting the town with C, and ignoring me. I'm the one who can make you beautiful; i'm the one who loves you!"
"I wish i knew, Ana. I wish i knew what's come over me. I hate it."
"So change it!"
"I'm trying, but--"
She cut me off again, "No, no 'but's you're not trying, at least not hard enough!" She looked into my eyes with such undeniable love that my heart skipped a bit. "Come back to me, sweetie. Please, i'm begging you. Let me make you beautiful."
I fell into her open arms. "Oh, Ana, i'm so sorry. I always leave you...."
"But i'll never leave you," she promised.
"Make me beautiful," i said.


  1. I'm sorry you seem to be struggling right now. It will all get better/easier. Good Luck.

    P.S. I LOOOOOVE reading your blog. Being in story format make it soo much different that all the others.

  2. Such vivid, beautiful imagery...

    I love your blog. Keep writing, gorgeous. You're so damned good at it. Really really.

    Keep strong...Stay lovely. <3

  3. What an absolutely BEAUTIFUL depiction. That is JUST how it goes.

    Ana loves us, and we always screw her over. She is always with us, and we abandon her. We should show her something real, but we listen to other people.

    She wants us beautiful. Thin. Perfect.

  4. You wrote this on my birthday, which was the day I fell in love with Ana. I've always been "the fat chick" and decided on my birthday something drastic needed to be done. I feel stronger and more powerful now than I ever have. I'm 19 and am finally getting to be the person I always wanted to be. I will be beautiful one day. Ana will get me there.