"I really don't want to talk about it," Shaun said in a voice that i could tell was full of hidden hurt.
"Is there anything i can do?"
"No."
"Shaun, hun, please, just work with me here. I'm depressed too, but i'm trying my damndest not to let it get to me, and i'm trying to help you."
"I'm sorry," was his only answer.
I sat there clutching the phone receiver in silence, wishing for words to come out of it, but none came. "Ok, bye," i said. I hung up the phone and then turned it off. I was tired of trying. How was i supposed to deal with his depression when i was still struggling with my own?
"That was the wrong thing to do," Ana pointed out.
I nodded and burst into tears.
"There, there, sweetie," Ana crooned and put her arms around me. "It'll all get better in time."
"If i hadn't let myself go and get so damn fat, he wouldn't be depressed," i managed between sobs. "It's my fault he's there, and now i can't even fix it."
"Shhhh..." she whispered. "You're gonna be skinny soon."
I clung to Ana like she was my last breath, and in reality, she was my last hope.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm clinically depressed and have been for over a year. I've dated several guys dealing with mental issues, including depression, also the time I've had my diagnosis. I only write this because I think I can help and give some advice.
ReplyDeleteWhen depressed it is often very hard to make decisions and live an active life. You become apathetic and often feel extremely guilty for being sick and thereby being a burden on your loved ones. You probably know the feeling - you feel guilty for making Shaun sad, right?
The wrong thing was not hanging up on him. It was asking him to work with you when he wasn't ready to talk about one of his issues. Depression is a physical illness and it is impossible to just "get a grip". I know that wasn't what you were asking him to do and I don't think you're the kind of person who would say that. It is simply an example. You need to give him time and much more importantly you need to just be there. Hang out with him. Don't let him be alone too much. Depressed people have a strong tendency to isolate themselves and it worsens the symptoms of the disease. Don't ask him what he wants for dinner or what movie you should see; choose for him. In my own experience it is one of the greatest stress relievers to let other people make those small decisions that mean nothing in reality, but can make a depressed person break down.
I really hope you and Shaun stick it out. I can be really hard to have a relationship when you're both mentally ... I don't want to say unstable, but I'm sure you know what I mean.
If I can offer any more advice or just lend an ear (or eye rather) you are more than welcome to e-mail me or comment on my blog. Best of luck, darling.
have you considered that maybe he'll be even more depressed if you don't listen to him and eat properly like he wants you to?
ReplyDeletenothing against ana.. it's just that it's hard to keep both ana and your loved ones happy at the same time.
i hope the both of you feel better soon. *hugs*
ReplyDeletehunny you cant blame yourself for his depression, and there is nothing you can say to make him feel better. all you can do is be there to listen to him, when he decides he wants to talk. in my relationship our roles are reversed to urs, im the depressed one and my boyfriend is the one who says "i dont make you happy what am i doing wrong". his depression has nothing to do with you sweetie.
ReplyDeleteaww hun, i wish i was there to hug you right now. you are such a strong person and i know everything will be okay. trust me you will find a way to get through to shaun. :)
ReplyDeleteloveyou.xx
I think that a lot of the things foreignobject said were right... You're both upset, and you're both desperate for the other to just be present. And, you're probably both blaming yourselves for things that aren't your fault.
ReplyDeleteHold on to him, beautiful. Don't let him go because it's hard. If you need one another, then be with one another. <3
I've been there babe. It's okay. I was just diagnosed with depression. It'll all get better.
ReplyDeleteI sent you an email a couple days ago, I don't know if you got it.
The thing is that you can't deal with his and your own. You need to take care of yours, and he needs to take care of his. BUT you can try and help each other out. Don't feel like you have to save him before you save yourself. It sounds harsh but its not, its reality. Its hard to help others until we help ourselves
ReplyDelete