Saturday, October 24, 2009

Rainy Days

"I'm lonely," i whispered into the rainy morning air. I poked at my stomach. "And i'm fat." I reached up to feel for my collarbones, the first bones to start to show, the only comfort i had. "Where are you, Ana?"
A musical laugh sounded in my ear. "Right behind you, sweetie." And i felt her arm slide around my shoulder.
I sighed and leaned into her. "I'm cold," i complained, and she draped a blanket around me.
"Just go back to sleep," she told me. "It's an excellent morning for sleeping, and as long as you sleep, you're not going to be eating."
"But i dream about eating," i complained, remembering the giant, icing-covered cookie from last night's nightmare. I'd devoured the whole thing, only to realize that it was over 2,000 Calories.
Ana smiled sympathetically and handed me two diet pills. "Here, take these then."
I swallowed them down with a glass of water, knowing they'd make me feel queasy anytime something entered my mouth, but also knowing that that was a good thing. "I'm still lonely and fat," i said sullenly.
Ana looked hurt. "Don't be lonely; i'm here. And you're not going to be fat for long."
I sighed. "I know. I'm sorry; i guess it's just one of those days where it's impossible to be happy."
She nodded and brushed the hair out of my eyes. "It'll be all right," she promised, and somehow, i believed her.


  1. I love your blog so much. These little posts make me happy!

    I saw u lived in Pennsylvania. Do you mind if I asked where? We might live really close to eachother!

  2. i know those days. i hate them, too. yesterday really was such a day.
    what sort of diet pills do you take? are they actually working?

  3. I feel like this sometimes.
    Like company is just out of my reach, and when I try to grab for it, I only sink deeper.
    Just think of what's ahead.
    Dream, love, breathe.


  4. so things aren't going well with the boys then? I'm sorry for the lonliness :( maybe call up a girl friend? go shopping? Feel better okay?

  5. what diet pills do you take? cause all the ones that i hear about are so freaking expensive!!


  6. This was exactly how my weekend was. I was just utterly sad and nothing could cheer me up. Maybe it's the weather? Hope you feel better.