Saturday, October 3, 2009

It's Over, And Yet it Has Begun

"Why?!" i screamed through the tears that were smothering me. "Why the fuck would you do that to me, Ana? He was everything to me; he was all that mattered. Why would you take him from me?!"
Her face remained calm, her voice, emotionless. "He was replacing me."
"So you were jealous? That's it? You're so immature!"
She shook her head. "That's not all. He made you feel all right about yourself. Told you you were beautiful, and you believed him. You thought you looked good, and you ate! You believed him over me."
"So you were jealous," i accused.
"Mostly, yes," she replied, still emotionless.
I could barely breathe through my sobs, but i managed to scream at her, "Matt was my world!!"
"As i should have been."
"I hate you," i whispered.
She barely twitched. "So you want me to leave you then? What will you cling to, who will help you, if not me?"
"I could get him back."
She laughed. "Not without me. Without me you'll binge eat your way to bizarre fatness. And don't even deny it; you know it's true."
"Then help me get him back!"
"Then leave! Get away! Go! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
"Shut up, Jo," she said sharply. "Just shut up. You know you don't want that."
"I want MATT!"
She rolled her eyes. "You'll never get him. You're too fat. You need me."
And so i did. My stomach lurched. I choked on my tears, and lost my stomach into the toilet. "Fuck you, Ana."
She laughed. "Is that an invitation back into your life?"
I paused only for a moment before replying, "Yes."


  1. aww!
    don't worry, you'll get him back
    and if not, he wasnt good enough for you!
    and im sure you're stil a skinny-mini!

  2. Honey what happened to matt?? Surely you can have ana and him! Don't give up or anything, whatever happened between you guys can be fixed and you'll work it out and everything will be dandy and lovely. Don't give up hope. It'll be okay, I promise. *hugs*


  3. I know how you feel, as I've had something similar happen to me quite recently. It's hard when you have to sacrifice almost everything to become what you really want. But if you can fight through this, you can do almost anything. You're in my thoughts.

    Stay strong, darling.

  4. Oh honey :( What happened? You don't have to tell me. I'm so sorry. I'm here for you if you need anything. Feel better love


  5. Intense.. Be strong girl! xo

  6. Babes, I can't even start to tell you how sorry I am. You poor, poor thing.
    (If I'm assuming the worst)
    I know words of advice about how to change it aren't really accepting right now seeing as you probably just want to die in a hole so I'll just say this; even though I don't know you, I know I love you very much. I know that no matter what, no one will be good enough for you.
    Stay strong.