Ugh. I'm sorry... I failed. Again. Sometimes i wonder if i have bipolar disorder... I mean one minute, i'll be like "fast fast fast, no food for two months" and almost cry when i see a skinny girl cuz i wanna be her and then the next, i'm like "omg CUPCAKES!" chomp. I'm fucking horrible at this! I can't do it; but i NEED to! I need to be skinny! I need to see my ribs. I don't need to binge, but i do it anyway. What is wrong with me?!
Oh and i now have to wear long sleeves all the time becuz i have this beautiful (but rather enormous) cut running along the length of my forearm. Don't freak out on me; it's not deep, it just looks bad. But i don't really know why i did it either. Sure, i'm stressed from the Matt and Brandon drama, but i don't even think that's why i did it. I accidentally cut my finger a little bit while opening a CD and saw my blood so i just wanted to see more. I'm losing my mind.
Another trigger to the cutting was my dad brought home this book: Biblical answers about tattoos, body piercings, and cuttings (how those three fit together, i'll never know but whatever) (and where or why he got it, i'll also never know but whatever), and it's been laying on the counter for a few days. Every time i see or hear the word "cut" it makes me want to do it, so seeing that book right there every day just pushed me over the edge.
I'm just like, eww i'm a horrible blogger and a horrible follower of Ana, and i'm just pretty much useless... Again i apologize.