My legs screamed at me that they did not want to run, but Ana still took my hand and led me to the treadmill. "Ana, do i really have to run tonight? My legs hurt. Isn't it enough that i did 30 minutes of strength training and stayed under my Calorie limit today?"
Ana laughed, a pretty sound, despite it's cruelty. "No, silly girl. Of course it's not enough; it's never enough."
"But i even scrubbed down the entire kitchen today. I haven't just been sitting around. Besides, i'm hungry already; that'll get worse if i run."
"Hunger is good, sweetheart," Ana insisted.
I lowered my voice and admitted, "I'm afraid i'll binge."
"Because you've run? Oh please, Jo, don't be ridiculous. If anything, the run will make sure you're not binging because you'll be busy."
"My legs hurt," i murmured, just loud enough for her to hear.
Her face became stern, as did her voice. "Don't argue with me, and don't get pouty." She pointed an accusing finger in my face. "You said you wanted my help, and i'm giving it to you. So stop complaining and run. Do you not want to be skinny anymore, or what?"
"I do... I'm sorry. I'm just being lazy."
"My point exactly. Now, let's go. Don't let me down now."
"OK." I cranked up the speed on the treadmill and tried to drown out the screaming of my legs with music from my iPod. I would prove myself. I would be strong.
And i would NOT let Ana down again.
man..
ReplyDeletethat sounds tough.
but its so true.
Haha what tattoos do you want to have?! :D
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure atm...
I'm proud that you didn't gave up on the treadmill, but be carefull not to get carried away :)
Good luck <3
iPods are an ana's best friend. I recall the stair-stepper for an hour, dripping with sweat, legs burning, trying to focus on singing along with the words.
ReplyDelete(Also, about your new picture... you look great already! I can't wait to be that small again!)
Thank you very much for your comment :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so flattered.
And I read your whole blog through too, when I first found it hehe.
And I'm glad it sounds like you're doing well.
omg well done on your determination, good luck. you can so do it!
ReplyDeleteas dangerous and mean as ana sounds, i always think about how much i weighed before i started listening to her voice and how fat i felt.
i still feel fat but i'm getting closer to perfection everyday i obey her.
too bad mia keeps ruining my progress.
thanks for your comment. i'm back on track now, i hate binging & purging because it just reminds me of my lack of control.. but i can do it!
goodluck to you! well done on your progress so far, the pic is looking good!! xx
sorry about the long comment :/ lol <3 <3
good job with running. Be safe
ReplyDeletexoxo
Keep all of your ABC photos up on your blog so I can see the transition when I get back! Thanks for the lovely comment :) and well done on your progress. 19 followers! You've clearly got a talent for writing :) I think you already look great so don't lose focus of the fact that you're a lovely person with a lot of talent and already a very good body! Be good to yourself. Good luck :) xx
ReplyDelete