Sunday, July 19, 2009

Screw up: Ana's Wrath

My stomach ached because it was stuffed too full... "Dammit," I murmured. I'd promised to start Ana Boot Camp (ABC) today. Obviously, I hadn't.
"You can't even stick to anything for a single freaking day, can you?" Ana asked angrily.
"I can. I will! I'll start tomorrow, I swear it, Ana." Her fury scared me so much; i couldn't have her leave me. "Just give me another chance."
Her fist smashed against the wall right next to my head. "How do you expect me to keep giving you chances when all you do is blow them?" she hissed.
I began to shake. I had never seen her quite this angry before. "Ana, please. I didn't mean to... I just messed up. I'm so sorry. I won't let it happen again. I'll start the ABC tomorrow, and i won't fail."
"You'd better not. This is your last chance. Don't fucking eat anything else tonight or you'll be with done with me and stuck with Mia."
I heard Mia's giddy school-girl laugh as she danced into the room to stand next to Ana. "You may want me tonight anyway," she giggled. "I love to be wanted."
I shook my head. "No, not now, Mia." She folded her arms across her chest and changed her smile into a heart-melting pout. "OK, maybe. Just hang on." Then I focused on Ana. "I won't eat anything, i swear."
"Yeah, whatever. I've heard that line from you before, Jo."
"But this time i mean it. No more messing up."
She snorted in disbelief. "Yeah sure." Then her head snapped around and her eyes locked onto mine. "Prove it," she challenged. "Show me you deserve me."
I nodded and squared my shoulders. "I will."
Then Ana was gone. Mia was staring at me hopefully. I sighed. "Mia?"
She smiled her huge, rotten toothed smile. "Yes, hunny?"
"Shall we?" i asked. I wasn't much for puking; i'd only ever tried it once and hadn't been too successful. I hated it, but I couldn't seem to turn her down tonight.
"Oh yes!" she giggled. "Yes, yes, yes."
And we went into the bathroom together to try to empty my stomach. I wanted to be clean for tomorrow, to show Ana i deserved her, and i wanted to make Mia happy, if only for one night. "Well... here goes," i murmured and lowered my head over the toilet.
Mia held my hair away from my face and whispered encouragements in my ear as i tortured myself and cried, hoping beyond hope that this would somehow fix everything.


  1. I've read what you have so far, and it's all really good. : )

  2. This is amazing. I just found your blog from another pro-ana blog, and I started from the beginning- keep writing. You're great at it. xx