"Please, please, please," i begged my body. "Please, just throw up!" But it wouldn't, and i couldn't make it. "Mia!" i screamed, though she was standing right there. "You have to make this work!"
"What on earth do you want me to do?" Mia asked.
"Tell me how to make that God-damned food come back up," i sobbed. "Just help me."
"I haven't any idea. You're the one who put it in there. Why can't you get it back out?"
"I don't know." I leaned my head on the side of the toilet bowl. "I wish i did." I raised my head slowly and stuffed the first two fingers on my right hand down my throat for the millionth time. A little gag... nothing else. Why wouldn't this work? My stomach hurt; i felt sick; i wanted to puke. So why couldn't i?"
"Because you're weak." The sound of Ana's voice brought a curse to my lips. "Leave us, Mia."
Mia kissed my hot forehead, her rotten breath blowing in my face as she did so. It almost made me retch... but i couldn't be so lucky as that. "I'll see you later, hunny," she whispered and left me to face Ana's wrath alone.
It had been such a good day until roughly half an hour ago. I had been fasting, not even so much as wishing for a bite of anything. I'd even made cookies without allowing so much as a granule of sugar to slip between my lips. Then the binge monster came out and slapped me around, making me ravenous. I ate anything and everything i could find.
"5 cookies?!" Ana shouted at me. "Seriously, Jo, 5?! What the hell? No one--not even a gluttonous hog--eats that much!"
I just hung my head. I couldn't very well argue; it was true.
"Oh, and that was just the beginning of it. What all did you eat, dammit? Tell me!"
"I don't even know," i admitted.
She made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat. "I'm nice for one day, give you a break for one freakin' day, and this is how you repay me? You ungrateful bitch!"
"I'm sorry, Ana. I'll fix it. I'll do better. I promise." I was barely able to get the words out between hiccups and sobs.
"Well, you'd better," she spat, "because there's no saving you if you don't. Obviously, you can't even be turned over to Mia. You're starting the ABC over again tomorrow, and this time, NO BREAKS!" She paused, a cruel smile curling across her lips. "No breaks, or you'll have to be broken."
I put my head down on the toilet seat and sobbed, and this time, Ana did not comfort me. I'd have to either prove that i deserved her comfort or never be wrapped in her beautiful, bony arms again.