"Fuck," i said softly inside the fitting room, staring down at the pants that refused to button because of my thickness. "These should fit! They're a size 3... That's the size i usually get."
Ana rolled her eyes. "They don't fit because you ate lunch and have been doing that and much more for the past several weeks." She threw a size 5 at me. "If you're lucky those will fit you."
I caught the larger pants and tried them on. Even they were tight, but they did button. I sighed. "Should i go with a size larger?" i asked myself.
Ana shook her head violently. "Definitely not. First off, do you really want to tell the lady working here to bring you a larger size?"
I shuddered at the thought. "No."
"Right. And secondly, you are going to work hard and get that size 5 that's tight on you now to be entirely too big. They'll be your thinspiration for the time being."
I nodded. "Ok."
"What size?" Jacob asked me as i emerged from the fitting room.
For the first time ever, i glared at him. "Do NOT ask me that," i hissed, biting my lip to keep the tears from coming.
He looked a bit hurt, and i felt bad. He simply said, "Ok, baby. I'm sorry," and paid for them for me.
As soon as we were out of the store i said, "Do you know what i'm going to do now? I'm going to stop eating again. I can't handle this. I'm growing and growing and growing; it has to stop." Once again, i blinked back the tears.
"No," he said. "You promised me you wouldn't do that."
I felt bad... but Ana was muttering in my ear "you're fat, you're fat, you're fat," so i replied to him with, "I need to!"
"Honey, we can work out every day. I promise to work out with you every day. Just please, eat once a day. Please."
I sighed. He'd made that promise before, and it hadn't happened, but i couldn't not trust him, not with as honest and earnest as he sounded. "We'll try it," i conceded.
"Good enough, i guess," Ana said. "But you'd better make it work, because if you don't lose from this, you're going to stop eating!"