Thursday, June 3, 2010

Phobias Collide

My breath came in short gasps as my feet pounded against the pavement. A car drove past me, blowing a nice breeze of cool air into my red face. The music from my iPod filled my ears as pain filled my legs. "I hate this!" i said between heavy breaths. "I'm going to get shin splints, and i know i've got blisters."
Ana rolled her eyes from her position beside me. "Weakling," she muttered. "How are you so out of breath so easily? It's not that hard to run."
I shook my head and slowed down to a walk. "My lung collapsed in that car accident, remember? It is hard to keep my breath, and running is something i've always hated."
"Would you just shut up? I'm so sick of your constant whining and weakness. We've only been out here for 15 minutes. Come on!" She got behind me and gave me a push. "Run!"
I reluctantly obeyed. Running was not fun, no matter how much i told myself it was. I hated it, no matter how much i told myself i loved it. I didn't want to do it, no matter how much i told myself i did... but it was really the only weight-loss related thing i could do. I didn't have my weights, stability ball, or resistance band to do strength training exercises, and walking certainly didn't count as an exercise, so i had to run. It wasn't a choice. Even my own mind sided with Ana in this area.
A gypsy moth caterpillar crept its way across the road in front of me, and i grimaced but kept running. (Caterpillars were my worst fear.) When i saw the second caterpillar, i was prepared to turn back toward home, but Ana stopped me with these words, "Which are you more afraid of, caterpillars or that fat on your torso?"
I shivered and carefully thought it over. Both were terrifying to me, but finally i answered her. "Fat," i said.
"Then keep running, and don't start your stupid crying just because of these hairy little worms."
I nodded, blinked back the tears and pressed on for another hour and a half.

**Thank you all so very much for you lovely comments on my last post. I was feeling so down, but ya'll made me smile so much. I love you!**


  1. You go, girl! Aleve and ice helps for shin splints. You gotta be comfortable when you're running! Keep up the amazing work.


  2. omg you would die if you lived around here in the summer time. there are so many of those furry , nasty things around here. me and C made a game where we would count them when we went walking and whoever counted the most won...i got grossed out and went ran home when the number hit mid 30's sorry but there should be a limit to how many gross bugs a girl is subjected to in one day.
    oh and im totally with you on the running thing. I CANT STAND RUNNING. :) but i know that its a great way to lose weight so i force myself to.
    stay strong

  3. I wish I could run. I know it is a great weight loss exercise, but because of how overweight I am it is just too hard on my body; hence the swimming. I commend you for forcing yourself to go running.

  4. She always picks at our fears. Are you more afraid of fatness or social nonexistence. Fat. The right answer. I'm proud of you for running past those catapilliers. Personally it would be some thing more like strange men or garden snakes.

  5. Heeey, I'm so sorry I haven't been writing for so long without any notice... but I'm back now :)
    I'm glad that your in a relationship, too! :)
    Fasting for a whole week isn't that difficult once you managed the second and third day, at least in my opinion. After that I could fast for a month I guess, no hunger pains or anything. Food just isn't in your daily routine anymore.
    I'm glad you kept running in spite of catarpillars and everything, but dont... "torture" yourself to much, okay? Thats rather counterproductive.
    You had a car accident? omg, I hope everything is fine? Sorry that I dont have the time to read through 6 months of blogging on all your blogs... damn I hate myself for staying away so long...
    Keep up the good work, too! :)

  6. You ran for an hour & a half? That's awesome! Man, I wish I could run for half that amount of time!

  7. i take a class called exercise concepts and speed walking actually burns a lot more fat than running because when u run ur heart sets itself to an aerobic rate. and if u speedwalk up hill in big strides ull feel it in ur bum! just thought id share taht with u, cuz i hate running to.