Saturday, June 5, 2010

Please Excuse My Excuses

"When Jacob goes to work, you have to go running!" Ana's words split through the silence of the air. "Stop slacking. Stop being so lazy."
I groaned. "But it's so hot outside..." i whined. "And the blisters i have already are killing me. I don't want to make them worse and get more."
"Would you please just stop arguing with me? Just for a moment? Just for one fucking thing?! Seriously, everything i tell you to do you find millions of reasons not to do it. Why can you not listen to me about even one simple thing?"
I hung my head. She was right... I couldn't eat as little as she wanted me to because of all the excuses i came up with not to. I couldn't count my calorie intake anymore because i'd promised Jacob i wouldn't. I couldn't do strength training exercises because i didn't have a routine or equipment. I couldn't run because... i was so stupid and lazy. I hadn't run the last time Jacob went to work, and now here i was again trying to get out of it.
"All you do is sit around in front of the TV or reading a book or cuddling with your Jacob or sleeping. You never get any exercise, and yet you eat every time you're hungry or are offered something you think looks good." She paused and put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Sweetie, what has gotten into you? There's something wrong with you that you don't listen to a word i say anymore."
"I do listen!" i countered. "...I just don't follow instructions... I'm sorry, Ana. I'll do better. I promise. I'm only going to eat once a day from now on, and i'm going to run every time Jacob goes to work... and i'll even try to get some equipment together so i can strength train."
She nodded. "Good. That's more like it. Now go get your running shoes and let's take off."


  1. You can TOTALLY strength train with no equipment. Crunches, pushups, leg lifts, wall slides, squats, calf raises. Remember, a pint is a pound the would around. So, a water bottle that holds 4 cups weighs 2 pounds. You might also want to check out your local parks for a par course or fitness trail.

  2. Ya, use your own body as your equipment. She's right.

  3. ehhh, i am stupid and lazy too... Ana is having a go at me for the same reasons :(

  4. It's great you've taken up running again, it's my favourite sport in the whole world, but please make sure you don't overdo it! Not in your condition, with your collapsed lung... My advice: make sure you go for a run out of the city, if you can, on a trail where the ground is softer and the scenery is refreshing.

    Take care of yourself, honey, I wouldn't want you hurt!

  5. I can definitely relate to your post. I know so many people who struggle everyday from some type of an eating disorder. I think the first step is recognition. Silver Hill Hospital’s adolescent residential treatment has clinicians trained in evaluation, diagnosis and treatment and provides hope for people who may be looking for the right care.