Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Decision Making...

"I'm hungry," the words slipped out of my mouth before i could stop them.
"Wow, baby, i've never heard you say that before!" with a surprised smile was Jacob's response.
Ana's response was simply smacking me as hard as she possibly could.
"I didn't just say that though," i said swiftly, burying my face in Jacob's shoulder and praying that our friends hadn't heard my confession of weakness. "Ugh, kill me..."
He shook his head at those last words, but said nothing, not wanting to embarrass me in front of his friends that i'd just met any more than i'd already done to myself. "Give me a couple minutes and we'll go home and find something to eat," he told me.
"No," Ana hissed at him. "Feeding this fat girl is definitely unnecessary." But only i heard her; he never could hear what she had to say... and if he did, i'm sure he would have killed her.
I nodded, and Ana made sure i wasn't rushing him. It was 4:45, and he had to leave for work at 5:30. If we waited long enough, Ana would be satisfied and there would be no time to eat when we got home. Her wishes were fulfilled.
We made it home at 5:25, and Jacob hurriedly got together his work clothes. As he kissed me goodbye, he said, "Promise me you'll eat something today?"
I shook my head. "What? We're low on groceries around here. There's really nothing to eat."
"Mom just went to the store. She'll come back with something you can eat, i'm sure."
Ana shook her head more violently than i had. "No eating! Another fast day will do you some good." she told me.
"What if i just wait for you to get home from work?" i asked Jacob.
His beautiful brow furrowed up in a frown. "At 12:30? That doesn't count as today. That's tomorrow."
I shrugged. "There's just a lot of signs that i'm not supposed to eat today."
He rolled his eyes and kissed me again. "Sweetheart, that's not at all what all of this means." I gave him my sad eyes, and he sighed. "Ok, i'm not going to make you promise to eat... but i would like it if you did."
I smiled softly. "Thank you, love."
Ana kissed his cheek. "Yes, dearest, you are the best!"
I made no promise to eat to Jacob, nor did i make a promise to not eat to Ana. The choice was mine alone. It felt good to have a decision to make alone for once.

**This decision has yet to be made... Hopefully i'm strong enough to decide on the best option**


  1. Try for something healthy-ish. Apple? High-fiber cereal? I found a bran cereal with raisins, craisins, and nuts in it (scantily) that is 90 cals for 1 cup. Plus 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, and I've got a filling, delicious meal for 110 calories.

    Can you tell that I don't approve of fasting? :)
    Do what makes you feel good, inside and out. You're right, it's up to you.

  2. It's always a hard decision to make but you know what is right and what isn't. Sometimes we just make the wrong one too often.

  3. You can do it Jo! I know it's cheesy, but follow your heart!

    Love you big like the sky! no! the universe!

  4. im glad to hear that your letting yourself be in control over this one. hell that just goes to show how strong you really are! i know that if left to my own devices i end up on a binge spree(which is what has happend the past few days lol). im soooooo jealous of you and jacobs relationship. its so great that he understands how hard it is for people like us to even consider eating. stay strong girl. you seem like your on the right track and finally blissfully happy :)

  5. awe jacob really loves u. your lucky. sometimes ana makes my boyfriend cry:( but he never forces me

  6. Wow!I wish I had that much freedom!But I will soon when I move in with my mom. Anyway I hope your having an amazing sumer with Jacob!I love your post like this!So hows the wedding planning goin?Did you choose the dress?I'd love to know!I hope your doing good!By the way I love your blog!