"I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road"
-Eminem "I'm Not Afraid"
That man is a genius when it comes to writing incredible lyrics. I'm downloading some of his music to take along with me when i go for today's run right now, and i just found those lyrics suitable for what we do here on our blogs. We walk this road together and let each other know that we're not alone. That's what helps us not to be afraid.
Anyway, to update you all on what's happening with me... not a lot. I only ate one meal today, but it was the worst possible meal ever: 2 pieces of pizza and 1 breadstick. I know that is disgustingly fatty. I feel horrid for eating it, but it's what Jacob wanted for lunch, and i can't tell him no when he wants something. To top that off, it's just messing with my stomach so badly... I really feel like i'm going to be sick, but i can't make that happen. That seems to be the case no matter what i eat anymore though. Even last night, i ate an apple and thought that it was going to make me sick. What's wrong with me that's making that happen? Ugh! I just want it to stop.
Seriously, i want this whole disorder to stop. I wanna be able to eat like a normal person: eat when i'm hungry, stop when i'm full, and not feel guilty about eating anymore. Jacob says that i could learn to control my mind and stop letting it control me, and then Ana would go away and leave me alone... But i really don't see how i could do that... Plus, half of me wants to hang onto Ana for dear life, despite the fact that i hate her sometimes.
Sorry this post is such a downer... I'm just feeling kind of blah and don't have a clue as to why. I was perfectly fine earlier today, but then Jacob wanted to take a nap before he went to work because we stayed up all night last night. I wanted him to stay awake with me so i could spend that time with him, but he went to sleep, and i blew it out of proportion and felt rejected. Pathetic, clingy and controlling of me, huh? Now he's at work and a few of his friends are here... I should be hanging out with them, but instead, i'm feeling antisocial and hiding away from them. I'd rather be on here with you all because i know you understand me.
Ok, i'll shut up and not make ya'll listen to any more of my pathetic whining... I love you, and hope you're doing better than me. Stay strong, and as Eminem says, stay unafraid.