Thursday, June 24, 2010

Tears... Because of Water

"Oh my goodness. Look at yourself! You're a bloated whale!" Ana shouted at me.
"Shut up," i replied. "It's only from water. I haven't eaten a thing today."
She rolled her eyes. "Well then, you shouldn't drink so much water. Ever heard of water-weight?"
I looked down at the water bottle in my hand, feeling a slight twinge of guilt. "I have to give a urine sample for this stupid pre-employment drug test. I can't do that if i only drink as much as i normally do. You know i usually only pee like twice a day because i don't drink enough."
She snorted. "Actually, i believe you usually drink too much. Even what little bit you do drink adds water weight to you."
"Would you please, shut up! This is not the place to have an argument about stupid weight that doesn't even count for anything with you," i said softly from my seat in the testing facility. I'd been there for roughly 20 minutes, wasting the time of the poor woman working there because even after 3 bottles of water i didn't have to take a leak at all. "I'm usually madly dehydrated apparently," i said, continuing the argument i'd said i didn't want to have, "seeing how my body's hanging onto so much water that i feel like throwing up."
"Well throwing up would do you some good right now, seeing how bloated your disgusting stomach is!" Ana countered.
"Screw you," i said. "I'm gonna go try to pee again."
When i finally did manage to fill the cup to the line the lady testing me had indicated, she looked at me with sorrowful eyes. "Oh, honey, i'm so sorry. This is the first time this has ever happened to me, but i just looked at your form and you were supposed to be here within 24 hours of your employer telling you to. You're 4 hours later than that. I'm sorry, but i can't test you."
"Seriously? They never told me that," i replied, fighting back tears that threatened to come more from the thought that i did indeed look like a bloated whale from all the water i'd drank for nothing than the potential that now i wouldn't get the job.
"I'm sorry," the woman said. "I wish i would've looked at that before i put you through the trouble of drinking all that water."
I shook my head. "No, i'm the one that should be sorry for wasting your time." With that i raced out to my Jacob in the car, where i burst into tears.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked in surprise.
My reply wasn't to tell him that i wasn't getting tested and that i probably wasn't getting the job. My reply was, "I've gained like 10 lbs in water weight and i look so fat and bloated."
He held me tight and tried to tell me that i looked no different than i did before i drank the water, tried to tell me that water weight didn't count for anything, tried to tell me that i was beautiful... But Ana countered everything he said with the truth, and i just kept crying.

**I didn't get the job... but i did get one that pays less than that one would have, so fortunately i'm not jobless, and i'm feeling a bit better now that i managed to pee off all of that water weight. However, i find it absolutely pathetic and ridiculous that it was drinking too much water that made me cry like an idiot... God help me and my disordered mind.**


  1. Oh honey.. It's going to be all right. You're a strong, beautiful woman, and Jacob and you can fight together to make sure the disease doesn't damage you too much. Don't feel pathetic, things like that happen to all of us at some point, you just freaked out a little.

    I love you big like the sky! This post was written beautifully.


  2. oh, Max, you are an angel. I love you too--so very very much. You always know how to make me feel better.

  3. Sometimes I'll drink 2 liters of water in half an hour before lunch break, just to suppress the hunger pangs... And then I look at my bloated belly and feel like shit!!!

    I'm sorry for the other job opportunity, but yay for the job you got!! Congratulations!

  4. oh jeepers.. because the difference of four hours is the hugest deal! most drugs take more than 24 hours to get out of your system anyway!!! insanity!
    but you are right, you are not jobless completely! in this day, that is a good thing!

  5. if you need to get it outta your system drink tons of cranberry juice. thats what the guys on my dads rig do everytime a drug test comes around the corner. and it works. also, one time when i drank a ton of cranberry juice to get rid of a bladder infection i lost 4 pounds the next day. lol two birds with one stone chickie

  6. I don't mean to be a nagging bitch, but if you drink lots of water (or green tea <3) all the time, you won't retain water like that. It also helps curb cravings. You seem to have issues with binging a lot if you eat even a tiny bit. (no offence... thats just what I've noticed.) You most likely feel hungry or feel the need to eat even if your not hungry is because you're thirsty but don't recognize it. :) I love you and your blog. Stay strong, beautiful.