"Oh my goodness. Look at yourself! You're a bloated whale!" Ana shouted at me.
"Shut up," i replied. "It's only from water. I haven't eaten a thing today."
She rolled her eyes. "Well then, you shouldn't drink so much water. Ever heard of water-weight?"
I looked down at the water bottle in my hand, feeling a slight twinge of guilt. "I have to give a urine sample for this stupid pre-employment drug test. I can't do that if i only drink as much as i normally do. You know i usually only pee like twice a day because i don't drink enough."
She snorted. "Actually, i believe you usually drink too much. Even what little bit you do drink adds water weight to you."
"Would you please, shut up! This is not the place to have an argument about stupid weight that doesn't even count for anything with you," i said softly from my seat in the testing facility. I'd been there for roughly 20 minutes, wasting the time of the poor woman working there because even after 3 bottles of water i didn't have to take a leak at all. "I'm usually madly dehydrated apparently," i said, continuing the argument i'd said i didn't want to have, "seeing how my body's hanging onto so much water that i feel like throwing up."
"Well throwing up would do you some good right now, seeing how bloated your disgusting stomach is!" Ana countered.
"Screw you," i said. "I'm gonna go try to pee again."
When i finally did manage to fill the cup to the line the lady testing me had indicated, she looked at me with sorrowful eyes. "Oh, honey, i'm so sorry. This is the first time this has ever happened to me, but i just looked at your form and you were supposed to be here within 24 hours of your employer telling you to. You're 4 hours later than that. I'm sorry, but i can't test you."
"Seriously? They never told me that," i replied, fighting back tears that threatened to come more from the thought that i did indeed look like a bloated whale from all the water i'd drank for nothing than the potential that now i wouldn't get the job.
"I'm sorry," the woman said. "I wish i would've looked at that before i put you through the trouble of drinking all that water."
I shook my head. "No, i'm the one that should be sorry for wasting your time." With that i raced out to my Jacob in the car, where i burst into tears.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked in surprise.
My reply wasn't to tell him that i wasn't getting tested and that i probably wasn't getting the job. My reply was, "I've gained like 10 lbs in water weight and i look so fat and bloated."
He held me tight and tried to tell me that i looked no different than i did before i drank the water, tried to tell me that water weight didn't count for anything, tried to tell me that i was beautiful... But Ana countered everything he said with the truth, and i just kept crying.
**I didn't get the job... but i did get one that pays less than that one would have, so fortunately i'm not jobless, and i'm feeling a bit better now that i managed to pee off all of that water weight. However, i find it absolutely pathetic and ridiculous that it was drinking too much water that made me cry like an idiot... God help me and my disordered mind.**