Thursday, July 1, 2010

Tired Rambling

Well... guess what... i'm having another uncreative day where i really don't feel like putting my post in story form. I know, i've been gone for several days and now i'm giving you a totally random, rambly post. My apologies...
I'm kind of tired because i got roughly 5 hours of sleep last night, and i just now got done with work--at Wendy's. Does anyone else find it ironic that i'm an eating disordered girl whose last three jobs have revolved around food? First, i had a job at a farm/cheese factory. Then, it was a grocery store, and now, it's a fast food place. Seriously, being around the grease and grossness of the fast food makes me want to be sick sometimes... Today, as i worked in front of the fryer for 2 hours, i actually started to worry that i'd gain weight from inhaling grease fumes or something. Do you think that's possible? Oh goodness, i sound ridiculous, but i honestly am worried about it. I guess the good thing about being around all that fatness is that it makes me want to go all day without eating anything. I could easily pull of a week-long fast as long as i worked every day. But i won't, because i don't wanna hurt Jacob like that.
Today it is insanely tempting to go on a fast though.. because i didn't eat anything before i went to work at 11 this morning, didn't eat anything while at work, and didn't eat anything when i got home around 5. Jacob had to leave to go to his work as soon as i got home, so he didn't make sure i ate anything. He didn't even ask if i'd eaten anything at work like he said he was going to, and that makes me kind of inclined to not eat and hope he doesn't ask when he gets home either. Ugh... I don't know! What should i do?
On the positive side of things, i've lost 4 lbs in 4 days! So i'm insanely happy about that. Hopefully soon i'll be back down to 120. That's the goal of the moment, and i've got 5 more lbs to go to get there. I can do it! Seeing that much progress in those few days is such a huge encouragement and mood booster for me, so i figured i'd share it with you all... just don't add up those numbers and figure out what i currently weigh, ok?
Well, now i'm off to catch up on reading and commenting your lovely blogs. I hope you all are doing well. Remember, i love you all!


  1. well i would fast personally and then if he asked i would lie .. but i guess you don't wanna do that? :)

  2. WannaBskinny, i almost wish i could do that... but i really really can't lie to him.

  3. Weirdly enough, I've had three jobs, and one of them has been at a food place, and I LOVE that job most of all. I get to play with vegetables all day and handle food all the time, without actually eating it... I don't know, I think I just like being able to be with food in an environment that doesn't involve me eating it. Hmmm.

    I'm so happy for your weight loss! : )

  4. Wow. Thaw really lucky to have someone like that because you must love him so much to not lie considering eating disorders are usually based upon lies and lies and lies. My advice is not to listen to your stomach or your heart but to do what YOU want for yourself. Love you and congrats on your 4 pounds!

  5. better to cough up the truth in little doses than do it all at once. small indescesctions (oh god i cant sorry, im too tired to change it..) are easier to deal with than one big whammy and to learn about months of deception..

    oh, btw, i think you might live in the town where my sis went to school in PA?? email me.. ive been there a couple of times.. lol

  6. wow congrats on the kick ass weight loss! four pounds in four days is amazing. id say if anything just eat one small meal at your lunch break (like a awesome salad or a meal replacement bar) and dont eat anything else. that way your still techincally eating AND you'l' still be losing weight. though id bet that even if you do eat dinner every night you will still lose weight will how hard you seem to be working. jsut do whatever you can live with.
    stay strong girl

  7. Pick a safe and sane BMI and stick with it.

    If you want to read some insane shit stop by my blog. It may bring some balance to your life.

  8. I guess you'll never eat fried food again!!

    Be strong lovely, I understand that you don't want to lie, but you don't need to. Just eat fruits and raw veggies!!


  9. Working with food is actually amazing-- where I work, I'm not given a break time, and I know if I "sample" any of the food I'll be in trouble, because there are cameras that watch us while we work!

    And 4 lbs in 4 days is AMAZING... your success is downright inspiring :)