"You're fat; you're fat; you're fat," Ana kept chanting in my ear. "You're fat; that skirt doesn't look good on you at all because you're fat. Do you hear me, Jo? FAT!"
I couldn't ignore her, especially seeing that she was absolutely right. With the way Jacob had been making me eat, the bones that had begun to show were once again hidden. My stomach pudge was back; my arms were too big, and my thighs touched at the top. "I know," i whispered. "I want to change it..." But i didn't know how i could change it. Jacob wasn't going to let me eat less. I couldn't work out when i had nowhere to do so, not in the house we were living in. There was nowhere i could go that people wouldn't be able to watch me, which i could have somehow dealt with, but there was also nowhere to go that the kids wouldn't get in the way. How can you work out when there's kids running around you, stealing your equipment and getting in the way?
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Jacob asked me.
I shook my head. "Nothing." Nothing he wanted to hear anyway...
"Something," he replied. "I can see that something's on your mind. Just tell me, please. I want to make you feel better."
Ana snorted. "All you do is make her feel worse," she snapped at him.
I bit my lip, trying to keep from yelling at her. "Don't mess with my Jacob," i said.
"I just stated a fact."
I rolled my eyes at her and turned to him. "Do you really want to know?" i asked.
He nodded. "Of course, baby-girl."
I was blunt. "All i eat anymore is shit-food. There's no healthiness in any of it. And on top of that, i can't work out because it'd just be impossible. I can feel and see myself gaining weight, and i can't handle it. It's killing me!"
He frowned. "Ok, we can go to the grocery store and get you healthy food. You just have to tell me what you want."
I shook my head. "No, what i want isn't good enough for you. I only want fruit and vegetables and salad, and in your eyes that's not eating enough."
He nodded. "Ok..." he muttered. "We'll do whatever it takes to make you happy... But you have to keep eating at least once a day. That'll be the only thing i require of you. I promise."
My eyes filled with tears. "I can't work out," i said.
"I know..." At least he understood that without me going through a huge explanation. "I'm sorry. We'll have our own place soon, and then you'll be able to."
I only nodded and blinked back the tears. I felt so selfish... but i was tired of waiting...
**Oh, check this out! I'm an addict. :) Thanks to SBB for giving me this awesome award.
Five likes: 1)blogging and reading blogs of course 2)listening to and singing to all different kinds of music 3)hugs! 4)stargazing 5)dressing up and attempting to make myself look pretty
Five dislikes: 1)rude hateful anonymous comments 2)the house i'm living in 3)pretending to be happy just to make the people who see you happy 4)not getting enough sleep 5)food