Friday, July 2, 2010

48 Hours!

Once again, i'm tired and uncreative. I don't know why but i feel totally exhausted (and even a bit on the depressed side) today. I didn't even do much of anything. I couldn't find the energy to work out... and i also thought it might not be the best idea seeing as every time i stood up--not even quickly at all--things went black and i saw some stars. I managed to not pass out though.
I think it might be because i just completed a 48 hour fast. I didn't realize it was going to be that long until this morning, but then i thought about it and realized that if i didn't eat anything until 12:00 PM, i would have pulled of a 48 hour fast without even thinking about it. The last time i ate was Wednesday. I had a salad at a restaurant with my grandparents and my Jacob. Then yesterday, by the time Jacob made it home, it was 2:00 in the morning and i was not about to wake up just to eat something. He didn't even ask me until i woke up around 10:00 this morning if i'd eaten anything. I told him the truth, and then begged him to let me wait until 12:00 today to eat anything because i wanted to be able to say that i'd gone 48 hours without eating--or even drinking anything but water! He didn't much like it, and as soon as it was 12:01, he shoved a sandwich at me, but i didn't mind. I felt as if i'd completed an amazing task by going that long without even wanting to eat anything. Seriously, i didn't think about food the entire time somehow, and it was so easy to go that long without eating.
I don't think it was the best thing for me though, considering my body's used to about 1000 calories a day. I should have slowly cut down on the calories, not just cut them out altogether for that long. I feel weak and dizzy because of it... but at the same time, that feels awesome. Does anyone know what i mean?
On the more random side of things, i miss my Jacob insanely. I went pretty much all day yesterday without seeing him because just as i got home from work, he had to leave and go to work. So today, i was looking forward to spending time with him before he went to work... That didn't really happen as planned. I mean, i was with him all day, but there were other people there too. A couple of his sister's friends were living in this house with all of us because they didn't have anywhere to go, and as soon as we got up this morning they told him they'd give us gas money to take them somewhere. We did need the gas money... But they took much longer than they'd said they would, so by the time we got back from that trip, it was time for him to go to work. It's kinda got me feeling down because i simply haven't had much time with him at all these past few days.
Blah... I need to go get a shower and shave. I wanna look extra nice for Jacob when he gets home tonight just because i haven't had much time with him. Weird reasoning? Probably. Do i care? Not at all. I've been putting off shaving for about a week. Haha. So i'm all sorts of hairy and ewwy. Too much information. I know, and i apologize. I just wanted to share that with someone for some odd reason.
Am i rambly in this post? Does it make any sense? I'm too tired to really even think about what i'm writing before i type it out. Haha. I hope this all makes some sort of sense.


  1. don't worry i know what you mean about the shaving lol. I always feel extra lovely when I'm all shaved and lotioned. I just did a 36 hour fast and about 24 hours after the fast and back into restricting, I fell into a crazy binge (partly thanks to alcohol). It's so frustrating. I hope this doesn't happen to you (although I'm sure it won't, you seem like you have more control than me). if you have any tips on how to shop episodes like that from happening though i would deeply appreciate it. thanks girl. have fun tonight with your man <3

  2. congrats on the awesome fast :D
    did you weight yourself after the fast?? i would have been so into knowing my weight

  3. Congrats on the fast and yea the dark fuzzies around your eyes does feel good but just be careful love! Your post was great as always that's one thing you should never be self concious about! Your blog is spectacular!
    stAy stroNg! thiN(k) thiN!
    xoxo lyndee

  4. haha omg you would throw up if you saw how hairy MY legs are. i havent shaved (my legs, the armpits get shaved every other day lol) in like 2 months! i figure ill allow myself to shave them when im skinny enough to wear a bikini. its good motivation.
    congrats on the 48 hr fast! that is a huge accomplishment and you should definently be proud of the crazy self control youve been showing. im uber jealous :P
    stay strong and enjoy your night with your lover.

  5. 48! Well done hun, that's some willpower. Take care :) xx

  6. You're not rambly & your post makes perfect sense =). 48 hours without even wanting to eat or thinking about food? You're awesome. I wish I could do that- every time I fast all I think about is food food food. I think 48 hours is the longest I've ever been too (sad, right?) but that was with lots of diet soda and coffee of course ^^. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look good for your man too! :)

  7. It make sense to me... I know the feeling of wanting someone (anyone) listening. And it's not too much information! I haven't shave my legs in mmmmm maybe 3 weeks? I don't even remember! hahaha! But is not a bad idea to go do it now... Thanks for that! ;p

  8. Hi,
    I'm Esme, and I've been reading your blog for ages! I don't have a blog of my own, because I don't want my parents to find it, but this is the name I use to comment. I know what you mean -fasting feels so good, but its hard to hide the fact that you're not eating at all from friends and family. My friends notice that I don't eat lunch - they even phoned my parents once, but I managed to completely convince them that I was fine and did not under ANY circumstances have an eating disorder. Because I don't, I just want to lose weight and feel better about myself. But of course I didn't say that. They believed me (thank god!!!)
    Anyway, I've been following your blog, and I hope you manage to achieve your goals, the way I'm trying to. You're not overweight or ugly, you're really slim and pretty in the photos I have seen - but I know that its almost impossible to stop and be "normal" and really, who can you ask for help when you don't really think you need help in a way?
    I know, my comment isn't really making much sense at the moment. O.o
    Your post wasn't long and rambling, but this comment definitely is!!! Sorry...
    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck,
    Esme x