Monday, July 26, 2010

Failure Always Follows Success

So.. I woke up this morning and had the house to myself.... We all know what happens when i have the house to myself: binging. I excused it for myself because i'd been doing so very well the past two days, and also i woke up with that feeling like something bad was going to happen, so i drowned the worry coming from that feeling with food. Two PB&J sandwiches, two apple cinnamon rice cakes, and a chicken patty sandwich later, i still wanted more, but was embarrassed that i was using up so much bread. I wanted to hide the binge, of course, and that much less bread later, it was going to be a bit hard. So i skipped the bread and made a sandwich of two slices of cheese with ranch in between (weird as hell, i know). Ugh. I'm a ridiculous, pathetic, fat food-whore. I wish i knew how to purge. I've tried all the different tricks... and none of them work for me. But after failure like that, i don't deserve to get rid of the fat i put on myself; it's a just punishment for my ridiculous weakness.
Oh, and to everyone who disapproves of my blog and Ana, but keeps on reading and trying to shove food down my throat to make me fat under the pretense of caring about me, i'm going to ask you once nicely: just leave.


5 comments:

  1. You are not a failure.
    --C

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  2. I'm so sorry darling, I totally know how those days are. Nothing seems to quite feel right and food and ana and your own brain are all screaming at once. Sad sad times.

    Just know that you are not, I repeat NOT, a failure and that you have lots of people that love you, no matter what you do, eat or look like. Tomorrow is another day :)

    xoRoseox

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  3. ... and success follows failure! Sorry, but I'm sick optimistic since I returned to this place and I hope I can send you some of my optimism!
    Sorry, I've been absent. And I'm sorry to hear that your mood is driving rollercoaster with you. But I can totally relate. You just don't know whats up with you and why you're so moody, but I hope it levels off soon.
    And I LOVE your tattoo!! And yeez, I wish I was as thin as you are on those photos! You are totally inspiring to me! Don't let your setbacks bring you down hun! Hope you feel better really soon. I missed you and your blog while I was away. And now I can send you a big, happy hug back! :) Stay strong, lovely.

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  4. it happens to the best of us hun.

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