Sunday, July 11, 2010

Tired Again

Sorry, everyone, i'm WAY too worn out to write in story form. I'm not really sure why... I mean, i went to bed around 7:00 last night, but then again, i did keep waking up every hour because Jacob wasn't there. He was working... I expected him home at 1:00 at the very latest, but he didn't get home until 4:00, so when i woke up at 1:00 and he wasn't there, there was no more sleeping for me, just sitting up worrying. It kind of massively pissed me off that he didn't even call me and let me know how late he was going to be, but whatever, i'm not going to whine and cry about the man that has carried me through hard times many times.
...I did end up cutting last night (this morning, rather) around 3:00... I was just so worried about Jacob that i didn't know what to do with myself. It was the only way i could calm down... He was a bit angry when he found that out, but he didn't get as mad as i thought he would. he just made me promise that it'd never happen again. In return, i made him promise never to be that late without warning me again.
Then this morning i woke up at 9:00 to go to work, and worked until 4:00. ...Wow, i'm just telling you all the exact times that i did everything in this post, huh? Lol. Sorry. I ate one hot pocket before i left, but that's all i'm going to eat today so i don't feel too bad about it. Everyone else in this house ate an entire turkey dinner, but i said forget about that. I'm quite proud of myself for it. :)
My weight is at 121.5 now, so i lost half a pound in one day. I'm certainly OK with that. Ana would like it to be more than that of course, but hey, it's still progress, even if it's small, right? And to answer one of the questions i got in my comments, my "secret" to losing the weight as fast as i am is only eating one meal--which usually consists of 500 or less calories--a day (avoiding even that if i can) and being on my feet for at least 5 hours at work. It's pretty brutal sometimes, but others, it seems almost easy to me. Much much easier than eating normally anyways.
I still need some sketches or something for my Ana-tribute tattoo if any of you all are interested. I didn't get any at all yet. :( Please, please send me some at my email (, OK?
I love you all bunches and bunches! Your comments are my motivation for getting through the day sometimes. *hugs and love to all* Stay strong.


  1. Nice work on that half pound!!
    Miscommunication/noncommunication can be so scary, I totally get that.

  2. I always think it's weird that people are more angry at cutting than's more tangible to them, I guess.

    A little obsessed with numbers?? lol

    (Note: one of my emails is about the tattoo...I've got a good friend who's a pro tattoo artist, and should be able to do something for you.)

  3. Oh honey I hope you're okay :( There is just NO upside to cutting... Clearly... I almost did that yesterday too. It's a terrible feeling when you NEED to hurt yourself. Get some sleep tonight, ok?

    Love you bigger than the sky!

  4. have u posted a photo of you on here? i really wanna see the face behind the name :)

    your doing so good girl .. saad about the cutting though :( i turn to cigarattes

  5. "so when i woke up at 1:00 and he wasn't there, there was no more sleeping for me, just sitting up worrying. It kind of massively pissed me off that he didn't even call me and let me know how late he was going to be,"

    Maybe he just didn't want to wake you up in the middle if the night. :)
    Hope you have a nice day!

  6. Try to not cut anymore. I don't know what it's like to cut, so I really don't have the right to tell you what to do, but I can't imagine that it's so good for you, honey.
    And good job on the weight loss! Keep it up, it's what makes you happy.
    I really think we have to stick to the things which make us happy.
    I like your blog so much! Stay strong, love.

  7. im sorry he did that, im sure he just didnt wanna wake you. or maybe he was so tired he just wasnt thinking straight.

    ive wanted to cut sooooo bad lately, but havent. the most recent is on my chest, ya can kinda see it in my userpic..

    good job on the hotpocket vs turkey dinner. your doin so great. and hey, half a pound is better than gaining half a pound.

    keep up the good work.
    mad zaq

  8. Awwww no story lol that's ok hi I started reading you blog a week ago i spent about half a day reading your posts lol yes I have nothing better to do and It distracts me from the fridge lol you should really gather these and write a book about it this this really good I'd toatally buy it!!! Your so lucky you found such a perfect guy some of us are still looking lol listen to Jacob he has your best intrests at heart in the long run Ana is just screwing you around trust me kk hang in there girl keep posting ! : )

  9. if i could draw i would send you one! sadly, all i can do is stick people! :(

    yea i think i would be panicking if my boy was out that late.. hes such a home body, he doesnt willingly stay out past 10pm..

    i owe you an email, tonight!!!!!

  10. I really wish I had a sketch for you but I dont simply because I cant draw! Otherwise Im sure Id be more help.

    I know it gets tiring but I just want you to know that I think you are doing so incredibly well. But just a are you avoiding binges? That has always been my biggest problem =/

  11. I think you should buy someone to design the tattoo you want if you haven't got any sketches yet. Example Deviantart is full of good artists. Maybe someone in there could sketch it to you? :-) I can't suggest anyone in there but I bet you'll find the best artist whom art you like.

  12. Hi lovely,

    I think it's great that you are managing to lose weight, avoid binging, keeping things good with J AND working!
    You are an amazing girl

  13. I'm not sure if a tattoo for ana is such a good idea :( that means that it really will be with you for ever, which is kind of a nice thing but also pretty terrible at the same time :/ just my opinion.. :)