Thursday, July 22, 2010

Somebody Save Me from Myself

I don't know what's wrong with me here of late. I've been so bloody moody for no reason. I just get angry at the smallest things, and then the littlest issue will make me break down and cry. You can also make me smile and be insanely happy quite easily.
... And i've been using emotional eating to deal with it much more than i should. Ok, not a lot, just today, but still, that's a lot to me! I just sat there and ate a chicken patty to make Jacob happy. It filled me up perfectly, and there was no more hunger. But then Jacob went to work and i stayed in front of the TV and ate a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and a quarter of a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos. THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH JUNK FOOD! Especially considering just a couple hours before that i broke down crying because there was no "safe food" in the entire house for me to eat instead of that friggin' chicken patty.
Ana wants to kill me for just doing that... She keeps telling me that i'm fat and ugly and pathetic... And i don't even want to have to admit to Jacob that i ate his junk food stash... I wouldn't be having any of those problems if i'd just kept myself under control on the eating front, so i DO deserve it, but.... UGH!
And, goddammit, i just want more sugary food!
Sorry for the rant.... I'll calm down now and go read your lovely blogs. i'm sure ya'll are doing much better than me. Keep that up, and i'll try to catch up with you on it. I love you.


  1. I hate feeling that way =/ I don't find that there is anything that can make it better, or calm down the mood swinging. I think you just have to power through. Maybe make a list of what is really aggravating/eating at you right now? And another list as to what brings you peace.. Just an idea.




    PLAY ON THE SWINGS :p Much more fun than sugar!

  3. maybe its the low intake creating those mood swings. i kno it does it for me. its ok. its only one day. tomorrow will be better.

  4. I hate feeling that way out of makes you feel power less. I'm sorry you have been having mood swings, and i don't know if you ever purge. but if you do it can make you extremly emotional and volital.

    oh i was just wondering maybe you could follow my blog? if not it's cool i just love reading your poetic writing!
    stAy strong!
    xoxo Lyndee

  5. I'm sorry you have to deal with Ana screaming in your head, I know how that is, and it's no fun, no matter what you tell yourself.

    One thing I always keep in mind when I'm restricting is that it automatically makes me more irritable and moody. It's sorta like PMS. So, when I feel like setting off a small bomb because the internet is slow or my dad is smacking his gum (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bomb that shit), I just remind myself that I feel this way for a very specific reason. And then try to move on. Away from the bomb target. Or sugar.

    You are NOT a bad person, you are just dealing with the ins and outs of a rather complex life. You can do this sweetie!


  6. I'm sorry the noms got the better of you. If you read my post-camping entry, I was similarly weakened at the smell of Sun Chips and chocolate. Know that there are others thinking of you! I know it's hard to control cravings sometimes, and feeling like a "hypocrite" or "going back on my word" never helps the ol' self esteem either. but do NOT beat yourself up. Forgive and forget and get strong.
    We all love ya and we're in this together.
    xxxooo Eva

  7. Damn sugary food. You don't want it, your brain wants it. Your brain doesn't know that an apple has just as much sugar in it without the fat. Or try a lollipop? That is what I try. TRY. to do. However, I did just eat 2 DAMN COOKIES.

    Oh, save us. We can do this, dont lose hope x

  8. awwwwwww hun :( bad day yesterday too, you've barely had any junk so it's easy to burn, it won't affect you, don't worry.

    Today = better, yes? For both of us. :)

  9. Why are you so hard on yourself darling???

    Why do you create all these rules for yourself??? And what makes your rules the only rules??

    We all have rules about things in life but we also have the ability to chose whether or not we listen to or believe them. It's not easy but we do have the chose. You have the choice too! Thats the secret!!! You might be saying well not me....maybe everyone but me has the chose but i don't....but do. You just need to pay attention.

    Darling i think you need to rethink your rules.

  10. I just read a thing (and I've noticed it's right) that sugar only makes you crave more. Ever since I saw that even when I crave it I'm able to say it's only because of whatever went on earlier (which by then I feel fat about) and I decide not to let the earlier food do even more damage. I jut thought I'd share that fact because it helped me and now I'm rambling in a comment.

    Btw. I like the tattoo. I'm sure you've been told enough times but take good care of it so it stays pretty. And you look amazing in that picture. Emmkaybiyee.

  11. after a month or so of good starving, such as ur one meal a day, the same things happened to me emotionally. now i have depression and anxiety and need to be on medication for it. i hope this isnt what is wrong, i hope its just a hormonal thing for u