Thursday, July 15, 2010

Jacob and Ana Fight

"Wow, baby, i can see all of your bones!" Jacob said as he massaged my back.
I smiled. "Can you seriously?"
Ana smiled too. "A little bit," she said. "You're looking so great."
Jacob nodded. "Yeah... You need to eat more. Seeing that much bone worries me."
I shook my head violently. "No, hun. It's just because i'm more active! I haven't been eating less, and i still eat one meal a day. Besides, those bones are a good thing; they make me happy."
"I don't know, baby-girl... I'd feel better if you'd eat more," he said.
And from that point on, Jacob kept fighting against Ana's and my wishes concerning food. He didn't go back on his word about only one meal a day, but that meal increased its size quite drastically and lost it's "safe food" qualities. I tried not to fight him, and Ana tried to get me to fight him.
"That man is trying to make you fat," Ana accused.
"No, no, he's just easily worried about me," i replied, but at the same time, i rather believed that what she's said was true, and i sank into a pit of misery from eating too much.

**That pit of misery is where i am right now... I'm so horribly moody and bitchy, and i know it's from eating enough to lose a bit of sight of those bones i was so proud to begin to see again. I must go back to the one SMALL, SAFE meal a day.**


  1. It is hard when someone cares and starts doing deals like this. It is dangerous ground - as you can see from down there in the pit of misery. The ground is tainted and you need to get back up from that pit before you sink into despair.

    We all love you, as does Jacob, and we will support you in different ways. But we all want to see you happy,

    However that can truly be done,


  2. mmm I'm sorry. He loves you hun.

  3. I hope that first post wasn't rude sounding! Its 2 in the morning and I need to sleep. I just meant I'm sorry for the way you are feeling. Its not fun to feel down or guilty after eating.

    But that man loves you, and I hope you try and compromise with him

  4. im sorry. it seems like all of us are having tough times. stay strong, i know you are. plus , i mean if bones are showing, thats wonderful. one 'big' meal cant change that. just make sure not to have any more. keep kool luv. i really hope all goes alright

  5. p.s yes, damn it, we will look like that beautiful thinspo picture.

    Let's make a promise.

    Life is confusing, isn't it.

  6. how much do you weigh now?
    i understand your concern.. i'm stuck in a plateau and have been for 4 days the same weigh while still eating less than 500calories + exercising some off the days! it's so infuriating!

    and now i wanted to hit the gym REAL HARD but no my sister has my freakin ipod! how do i go to the gym without an ipod?? it's not possible!

  7. I seriously love your blog. Such an enjoyment to read everyday and I love the way you 'story' everything. Rock on chic. Just stick to what your doing. If you need to increase stay on safe foods. I think you'll be okay. Damn those people who actually care about us!!!! (jk :))

  8. sweetie bones are great! and he isnt trying to make u fat! he just cares about u and doesnt wanna see u in a hospital bed! <3 it sounds like ur doing really well sweetie, stay strong!

  9. i have to eat a meal a day too. it SUCKS. but hell, what can you do? just eat healthy (no junk food), work out, maybe go veg? (that cuts so many calories and so much fat from your diet!). good luck to you hun. you're lucky to have someone who loves you as much as jacob.

    stay strong, think thin, live ana

  10. I think this blog is an awesome idea! yepp i think i'm subscribing...

  11. Hiya just thought i'd let you know that I really like the way you do your blog and your an inspiration to me.

  12. I know what you mean my mom and I got into a fight this morning over breakfast.She was saying that she read somewhere that its the only meal you dont have to count calories!But I said I don't care I say people need to still count the calories!Anyway good luck dear!

  13. Well we both knew that the fight would happen eventually, right? I hope you're able to talk to him and explain the complexity that is an ednos/ana/mia brain. Maybe if you explain how you feel when you eat, how the thought of eating in general makes you feel etc he'll not try to make your one meal too big? Maybe a compromise would be in order? -- Like two teeny tiny healthy meals that you get to pick?
    I hope all is well babe =) Post soon!
    Oh and, there's an award for you on my blog!

  14. Don't trust him. Don't trust her. Trust yourself. x

  15. <3 @pokerface.

    People who love you and are worried can hurt you in ways they don't mean to. I know this because I do it to others all the time: my boyfriend's weed habit, my mom's late-night eating, et cetera. You need to do what you need to do to make yourself feel best. Whether that means having a completely confessional talk with J or, well, I don't know your life, why am I givin' you advice!
    You are so capable and strong and I know that you will find the right path through this.
    xxxooo Eva