I wanted to eat. Just eat, and not feel bad mentally or physically. Ana told me that a wish like that was only the fat people, but i told her to shut up and asked Jacob if he'd take me to our favorite little cafe to get one of their amazing tasting burgers. Naturally, he was happy to hear that request and took me there right away.
As we sat down at our little table, i took in my surroundings. A very skinny waiter handed us our menus, and asked what we wanted to drink. "Water," i told him, hoping that that would stop Ana's insistent yelling that what i was doing was a bad, bad idea.
"You'll never be as skinny as that man waiting on you if you follow through with this!" she continued. I ignored her and kept watching the people around me. A large woman sat at the table across from ours, eating a nice big plate of cheese-smothered fries. "That's what you're going to look like," Ana hissed in my ear.
An average-sized waitress came over and took our food orders. I went ahead and ordered the hamburger that i'd wanted, along with a small plate of fries that Jacob and i would share. "That waitress is pretty," i told Ana, "and she's not a stick figure."
She shook her head. "Do you know how much better she'd look if she was a stick figure?"
I sighed. She had a good point. "Just let me enjoy this one meal, ok? It's all i'm going to eat today, and i haven't eaten anything like this for over a week."
Once again, she shook her head, but didn't say anything else. I ate in peace, except for the little nagging fear that i was going to become huge from what i was eating... so it really wasn't peace at all. Jacob seemed happy, though, and that helped me to be a bit happier about the unwise decision i had made in eating.
When we got home, Jacob decided he wanted to snuggle. As i lay there in his arms, i couldn't help but wonder... "Do you think i look good enough to ever get a modeling job?" i asked him.
"Of course you do, sweetheart," he replied.
I heard Ana strongly objecting in the background.
"No, you have to be brutally honest. Just as brutally honest as you were about the waiter having an ugly face. Does this body look good enough to go on the pages of a catalog or magazine?"
"No, it doesn't look even close to good enough. It would look a billion times better if you hadn't eaten what you ate today, but even then, the answer is no," Ana told me, using her brutal honesty.
"I was being honest, love," Jacob said. "You are absolutely ravenous, and any catalog or magazine would be making a wonderful choice by putting your beauty on their pages."
"Even after i ate that burger and fries?"
He stood up, helping me get up with him, and let me to stand in front of the mirror. "Look at you. You're perfect."
I stared at my reflection for a minute. All i was wearing was my bra and underwear because it had been to hot to wear more if i was going to be cuddling. So much skin was showing... only skin where there should be bones peeking though... I shook my head and turned away from the mirror. "I'm far from perfect."
Ana nodded in agreement with me, but Jacob kissed my lips and then spun me back around to look in the mirror. He pointed out my hip-bones; he pointed out that my stomach looked fairly toned; he pointed out that my legs looked thinner than they had a month ago. Then he told me, "You are beautiful. I swear it on my life."
I smiled slightly. I could almost believe him.