Monday, February 22, 2010

Unattractive But It's Ok

First off, i just wanna say thank you to everyone who left me lovely comments. I love you all so much, and i know you all love me, and that's all that matters, right?!
Shaun update: apparently i'm unattractive. He blocked my number but then talked to me online (confusing, right?) and told me that he just didn't feel attracted to me anymore. So i was like, "well, hello, YOU'RE the reason i gained the weight i'm still working at losing!" Ok, i didn't actually say that, but i really really wanted to. But you know something? I don't give a fuck anymore. It's fine--and i'm not just saying that anymore; it really is fine. If he wants to just drop me like that, then he can. I'll find someone better (and i think i have, but more on that in a minute). He said he tried to make himself like me, but just couldn't... Ugh. Am i really that repulsive? I mean, i know i disgust myself and Ana, but i've just never heard it from someone else's mouth. It kinda hurt, but i'm over it. I'm going to make myself beautiful in my own eyes and in Ana's eyes and then it'll all be alright.
Now, onto the someone better part. I know, i know, "it's so soon; you're such a whore; you just think you need a boy to make you happy." Whatever, shut up, Anonymous commenters. I do realize that it's very soon, but i'm not a whore. You have to understand that this guy would never push me to do anything i'm not ready to do, and sex is the farthest thing from my mind now. I don't think i need a boy to make me happy at all; this one just happened to be there to make me happy. He's always been there for me, and we've always been best friends. You remember the "Jacob" i talked about in previous posts? Yep, it's him. We're so much alike, and we're both hopeless romantics. I've seen how he was with his ex (who i might add dumped him without the courtesy to tell him she was doing so because she wanted to date other people), and he loves exactly the way i do: without holding back. It's beautiful. We talked on Friday, and again on Saturday and he told me that i'm "the only blonde to ever steal his heart". I feel unique. Lol. He's also the one who taught me the "i don't give a fuck" attitude, which rocks my socks. We're not together yet, but he told me he's just gonna wait for me to be ready. This should work. I'm not even worried about it not working. :)
Have a lovely day, ladies (and gents if any are reading). Stay strong, and don't worry, something better is just around the corner.


  1. :D

    "Don't worry, something better is just around the corner." I love this. I may have to steal it. ;)

    I'm sorry that Shaun hurt you that way, but you know what? You're absolutely right for realizing that you deserve better. No, you are NOT repulsive, you're beautiful, inside and out. I swear it. He was lucky to have you, to have that love that you give so freely, without holding back. He just didn't realize it. Someday he will, when he's with someone who doesn't even come close to measuring up to you...but by then you'll be long gone, and much better for it. :)

    Stay lovely, dear.


  2. *Sighs and shakes her head* So many people just do not realise when they have beauty right in front of their noses so I wouldn't give a toss about this shaun fellow.

    Hope things works out with this jacob guy, he sounds sweet.


  3. Hey! Sorry I fell off the face of the earth. You are not unattractive. Men are retarded .... As I tell you this, I am having the same internal battle ... Lose weight, and he'll want you. Issue is I did ... and he still didn't want me.

  4. This is a gent, I'm one of Ana's boys <3
    Stay strong, stay safe. We are all beautiful-and we can all be better <3
    anonymous commenters can fuck off :)

  5. Yay, I'm so happy for you! Let's hope everything works out the way you want it to :) *fingers crossed*
    And about the "getting thin and attractive"... you know, you ARE attractive. Shaun's just being an asshole (sorry). Besides, you have all our support when it comes to getting thin. We will rock this year (this phrase is getting oooold, i know... again, i'm a creep XD).

    much love honey :)

  6. Aw man - I know what you mean by all of the anonymous haters! I get a fair amount of backlash on my blog (obviously for other reasons, lol) but I wish sometimes people would just man up and post as themselves. Anyway, I don't know why anyone would be hating on you, sweetie. God knows you don't deserve it! :)

  7. Awwww baby i hope you're ok!! Oh gosh, im sorry i wasnt there for you yesterday when you posted that!!!
    You deserve better then that.
    Love you.

  8. I'm so sorry to hear about your ex! That's really awful for him to say something like that. I remember back in middle school a guy told me I was ugly right to my face and it shattered me. :(
    Anyway, that's soooooo great that you have a new guy who will truly appreciate you! Best of luck!!! :)

  9. *deep breath*
    had to have a deep breath , otherwise this comment would be full of me cursing that stupid little prick for how he treated you!
    *deep breath*
    okay , im okay now. whew
    im so glad your able to overcome his obvious blindness to your beauty and move on. you are gorgeous and if he cant see that then its his own damn fault. i mean honestly hun, your the type of girl that i would hate to stand next to because i would feel so ugly compared to you.
    yup, im jealous of your good looks :)
    i dont think your a whore at all for going after a new guy, your young and just had your heart stepped on. anyone who said that stuff is just jealous of the fact that you can actually get a boyfriend! jacob sounds great, and i think he will be just what you need. so for god sakes GO OUT WITH HIM lol. go have fun!
    stay strong

  10. Oh darling! I'm so happy you are doing better <333 I just saw your last post and was so worried :(((
    But seriously, fuck shaun. What a wimp to break it off with you like that. Very immature. I'm glad you're taking on this "fuckit" attitude though. It's hot ; )
    And you ARE hott. Not repulsive at all. To imply that is just ridiculous. And I know that one day you will completely happy with how you look and will have an amazingly hot and caring boyfriend who will worship the ground you walk on, because that it what you deserve ;D
    Stay strong <3

  11. Hi sorry this is random but reading your blog honestly brings me to tears. Your writing expresses how I feel day in and day out. I hear a voice screaming 'You're pathetic' telling me I do not belong to the 'ana' community because I have lost control over everything, I want to hurt myself but I'm scared that my Mum will see then all will be ruined before It has been acheived. My friends think I'm weird and I have never spoken to anyone who understands...
    So just thanks so much for your many words of wisdom, it really helps! :')