Saturday, February 20, 2010

I'm Sick... And Single

I've got a killer sinus infection, and my head just might explode. The positive side of this is that i can't taste anything, so there's no reason at all to eat.
On top of that, Shaun and i are no longer together. Yesterday, he sent me a text telling me he loves me, but is not ready for a relationship... We all know what that means in reality: he doesn't love me.
"It's fine," has become my automatic response to everyone who says they're sorry or he's stupid for leaving or whatever, but in reality... it's not fine; i'm just trying to convince myself and everyone else that it is.
I'm roasting. I think i have a fever because i'm never, ever hot, but today i'm burning up. The bad thing is, i can't take my hoodie off because my mother is home and this:

is what my arm currently looks like. Personally, i think it's pretty, but i highly doubt my mother would agree.
I hope you all are doing much better than me. Love, love, love to you all!

14 comments:

  1. please dont do this to yourself
    you dont deserve to be hurt like this

    boys are like buses another ones coming in 15 minutes

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  2. I think it's pretty, too, but I have a twisted sense of beauty, and I'm sure your mother would freak out if she saw.
    I'm so sorry about Shaun, hopefully he will realize his mistake
    I hope you feel better

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  3. oh hun, it hurts me to see what you did to yourself. please please dont do this, there are other ways to release your pain.
    your a hell of a writer, maybe try writing, or reading(nothing romantic of course) to help guide your mind away from your pain. i know what this feels like, i know sometimes it hurts so bad it can feel like your chest is caving in but trust me, this will pass. dont let him have this much control over you. you are beautiful and smart and honestly, one of the nicest people i have ever met. you have always been there for all of us. its his loss, if he cant see what a catch you are then you deserve someone better. and i promise you there is a better guy out there. just take your time with this, its okay that it hurts. that will go away when you realize you deserve so much better than him
    stay strong and hang in there
    meg
    *hugs

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  4. Oh, hun...

    *hugs*

    I know just because I write the word "hugs" surrounded by asterisks doesn't mean you'll actually feel anywhere close to how you would if I could actually hug you, but...it's all I can do here.

    114 is right. You do NOT deserve to be hurt like this, by your own hand or by anyone else. I can see how you'd see the beauty in the cuts, but I hope they don't scar, only because you might not think them so beautiful in a few years, or even later, if they last that long. I know that right now, your head is full of chaos and you're sick and you're sad and so much of what we can say to you here to try and help may just wash away with a single shake of your pretty little head, a denial in the form of "I'm fine." "It's fine." <3

    I know I can't offer you what I truly wish I could, but I hope you know that you're not alone...In fact, in the battle of Ana's Girl Vs. The World, I'd say you've got the upper hand. After all, you've got all of US on your side. And babes, we are DEFINITELY a force to be reckoned with.

    Love...

    P.D.

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  5. boo for being sick. feel better soon. last time my mom found out i was cutting cause i wrote 'fat' in big letters be on my stomach. lots of yelling. before that it was my arm&i'd wear a sweater all the time. now it's my legs, so no more shorts for me. cheer up, darling. we're all rooting for you.

    xoxo
    zette

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  6. I'm so so so sorry about Shaun... That must be horrible... :( You'll be alright in the end though, things do get better believe it or not. You're so beautiful and so wonderful (everyone who reads your blog will agree), I really hope you will try not to take your pain out on your body anymore. We seek perfection, not scars, right...? I dunno. I wanna help you, you're such an inspiration for me... ya know? Keep your head up - at least above water. :) We love you!!

    And... my cuts used to look exactly like that... Kinda chilling. Feel better hun!!

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  7. I know how you feel...I used to cut too a few years back. I forced myself to stop because the horror of someone seeing it caused me great anxiety.

    Your going to have to wear long sleeves until this heals and disapears which is a LONG time. So hun I know it sucks but you can't do this again, someone might see it. Just write me instead, I can be ur ana buddy =)

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  8. You're beautiful. Don't hurt yourself.

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  9. www hunni, don't cut. i hate to see you like this, please just stop, breathe and think before you cut. i send you all my love , and i promise everything will be okay. i hope you feel better soon. xxx

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  10. i used to think they were pretty as well. scary thing is, i think it looks beautiful on you.
    we're fucked up though.
    we shouldnt hurt ourselves like this.
    please take care

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  11. stop it, seriously.
    i used to do it but you can actually stop doing it. nowadays i can barely look at blogs who are about cutting, too. and i used to think it was beautiful, too. years ago.

    so ... did you really love him?

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  12. Owee.
    I have some scars like that -
    You are worth so much more than this. Please don't let yourself believe the lie that you deserve the pain.

    Do you paint or draw? I think you have so much art within you...you should paint something next time and watch the paint ooze out the pain rather than your blood. Just give it a try. I found it a thousands times better than cutting. I know we'd all want to see your art.

    Feel better. Stoopid boys~!
    xoxo
    kate

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  13. Oh honey... I'm so sorry you're going through this. You deserve so much more than a boy who tells you stuff like that. It's not fair, okay? And it's not your fault. Please, darling, stop hurting yourself. For us ? :(
    If I could, I'd hug you really tight right now haha. And let you cry on my shoulder or something. Or we'd take a walk maybe? Oh wow, I'm a creep. Sorry.

    Much love...

    It'll get better soon, I promise :)

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