Monday, February 8, 2010

Too Fat

"Umm, no. Put that dress back in the closet; it does nothing but make your arms look fat." Ana always was brutally honest.
I sighed, took the dress off and reached for a pair of jeans i hadn't worn in a while.
"Nope," she stopped me before i'd even started to put them on. "They give you a muffin-top, remember?"
Now that she mentioned it, i did remember. I tossed them to the floor with all the other clothes Ana and i had decided i was too fat to wear today. "I'll pick them up later," i promised myself, trying my best to ignore the huge pile, and rooted through my closet. I grabbed a t-shirt.
"Too tight; makes you look fat," was Ana's verdict.
"Dammit, Ana, nothing doesn't make me look fat!"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, i'm sorry," she said in that sarcastic voice she used when she was annoyed by my stupidity. "Maybe if you'd have just listened to me all along instead of being a bingey disgusting pig you'd have a body that looks good in anything."
"Stop it," i shot back. "You're being mean."
"I can do better than that," she said smiling cruelly. "The reason everything makes you look fat is because you are fat. The only answer is to lose weight."
I bit my lip. Her words stung, but i couldn't deny their truth...

*ABC day 1 Food Journal entry:
total: 345 Calories

**i got a lot of questions about my running program, so i figured the easiest way to answer them all would be to let you see for yourselves. Here's the link.


  1. i use to track my workouts sometimes, but i love, they have a great fitness/food tracker.

    and you are not fat.

  2. i currently have a mound of clothes littering my bedroom floor. i hate it when everything you try on looks lumpy and bumpy and it ends up being a "sweatpants" kinda day. hang in there, your running program looks great and you did kick ass on your cals today.
    stay strong
    p.s. i tried posting a comment before this one and it didnt show so if you find two comments from me that sound exactly the same dont worry, i dont suffer from Alzheimer and forgot that i had already posted. my computer just sucks lol

  3. I have loads of clothes I can't wear stomach and my thighs are my downfall.

    I read the little disclaimer on the side...I know you're probably attached to Ana, but I thought of a name you could use for EDNOS (which is what I seem to have and I can't figure out how it happened so fast), I know this might sound like a controversial idea since it seems to be mostly women with eds, but why don't you just make it a guy and call him Eddie?

    Hope things start going better for you


  4. its so hard to have that voice telling us that everything makes us look fat! I am a frequent hearer of "hey there, muffin top" from ana!

    Don't let it get you down- when I'm feeling really bad about myself, it helps me to not eat!

  5. i hate having lots of clothes and not being able to wear them! :( don't worry hunni, it will all get better. i beilive in you.
    stay strong! xxx