Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Finally, Someone Who Understands Me

"Why are you so jittery?" Shaun asked me as he wrapped his arms around me. "Do i make you nervous or what?"
"It's the diet pills," Ana answered, but Shaun couldn't hear her. Only i could hear her bitter-sweet voice.
I shook my head. "No it's not you... I could tell you, but you'd probably either kill me or think i'm crazy."
He waited for a moment, a look of confusion wrinkling his brow. "Continue," he said cautiously.
I shook my head again. "No, i don't think i should."
"You can't just start out like that and then not tell me. Please?"
I hadn't stopped shaking my head. "No."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because i haven't told anyone, and i barely know you yet."
"Look, i'm not gonna do whatever you're afraid of, i promise."
"You won't tell anyone even if you think it'd help me if you did?"
He frowned, but accepted. "Ok, i won't tell anyone no matter what."
"I have an eating disorder..." i started out.
"Why would you call me that," Ana hissed in my hear. "Why wouldn't you just say that you have me as your friend?"
"Because then he really would think i'm crazy," i thought, but didn't answer her. "And i've been taking these diet pills," i continued telling Shaun. "You're not supposed to take them with less than 1,000 Calories, but i do, and they make me really shaky."
To my surprise he didn't explode into a million reasons why i should stop taking the pills and start eating normally. "What is your ED? I mean, like Anorexia or Bulimia?"
"Neither, it's EDNOS, but it tends more towards Anorexia."
"That's good," Shaun said with a sigh. "I mean, not good, but better." He laughed nervously. "If it makes you feel any better, i used to be Bulimic."
"No way," i said in surprise.
He nodded. "Yup... So i totally understand what you're going through." He hugged me again. "And don't worry, i'm not going to try to change you, if that's not what you want."
Ana wrapped her arms around the both of us. "I like this one," she said with a grin.
"Me too," i thought, "but i'm still gonna take it a whole lot slower than i did with Matt and Brandon."


  1. your so lucky to have found someone that will understand what your going through. i think you should definitely take things slow but so far he sounds great. lol. i just hope that he keeps his word and doesnt try to change you. im happy for you, good luck and stay strong

  2. That's awesome that he's so understanding and supportive of you. As I haven't been reading in a while, I have no idea who he is but I'm guessing the new beau? Hope it works out for you. It can be so much easier when someone knows and gets it when you're feeling down.
    Thanks for your lovely comment, I've missed you guys xxxx

  3. Best.Boy.Ever. I hate it when guys want you to be someone other than you. In all aspects, I mean, not just eating-related stuff.

  4. Awhh that's so good that he understands where you're coming from! I'm sure it's a huge relief and he sounds really really nice. : )

  5. Wow, that's good that he's being so understanding. You should read this blog I follow. http://tryingtosaveherlife.blogspot.com/2009/11/yesterday.html

  6. I'm so happy for you :)
    somehow this just made my day

  7. :)
    One of my exes used to have an eating disorder. It helped that he understood me :)
    I'm glad that you've found a nice guy.
    If you're having any problems, you know where to come for a chat.

  8. Awwww he sounds like a keeper!!!
    Really, really hope it all works out x x x

  9. Good for you that you found a guy who understands!!! I'm so happy for you! =) And even happier that you are thinking about taking it slow... That is great news, sweetie!!!
    Lots of kisses!!!